I'D RATHER HAVE AN ALTER EGO THAN BE AN ALTER KACKER
(to the tune of Auld Lang Syne) Should Rosh Ha'Shanah come and go and I'm still here on J-Date, I'd feel like my shofar has been-sh2ped too deep to extricate.
Are you ready sing along again? (to the tune of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer): Chayim the red nosed chazan, always had too much to drink... He spilled his schnapps all over, his tzitzis they began to stink... They barely had a minyan, when Chayim raised his hand and said, "my kishkes, I am brechen... would somebody please hold my head?"
(bridge) Then one Shabbos afternoon, Rebbe came and said, "Chayim with your nose so bright--be our new Havdalah light." Since then they all love Chayim, for schnapps is all he'll ever need... to hang from the Aharon HaKodesh, and be the shul's new Ner Tamid.