Okay… profile number two. I'm going to spend longer writing this, this time. you should read this entire thing in a snarky, upbeat tone of voice. The best advice I can provide is for you to imagine Daniel Tosh reading this whole thing to you.
This may need to be censored. ..Anyway look… I'm not like any of the other guys on here. Really. Seriously I'm not. First of all, I'm hilarious. My last name is **I deleted this in the interest of privacy. Message me to find out why it matters. anyway keep reading!** …I am super crazy thoughtful. It's a thing I'm practiced at. letting people that are important to me KNOW that they're important to me, making them feel loved, is something that's …also important to me. I will listen while you're talking, and though you won't realize it right away, I'll be collecting a list of things that make you happy or that you like. Or that make you sad so I can avoid them. I do this with the intent of potentially surprising with you with said thing/activity/whate ver later. I do this habitually, because it turns out that paying attention to people and doing things that they like is a really great way to make them happy.
…It's not actually that simple, I was walking a thin line between boring you to death and sounding creepy. I've had people tell me that the things-you-like thing seems creepy, to which i semi-jokingly respond, "well then you can get lost," which brings us to a third trait of mine, occasional assiness. I am skilled in the art of assy, New Yorker jerkiness, and occasionally have difficulty not practicing said art. I'm working on that one as I grow. (Earlier while "growing up," I took art classes at the MET every weekend, but that's a different story.) …I am from New York and grew up working in the city, in high pressure environments. (I was 15 years old when I started working part time in the city, and 16 when i started full time.) I am competitive. I consider my time to be important and scarce. I do not want it wasted unless i am wasting it on purpose, with a friend, you, or family member. (That though, I am quite capable of.)
As I write things, typically emails, I read them start to finish repeatedly, and do my best to minimize the use of the word "I" or other references solely to myself. The more times I say "I," the more of a self absorbed twerp I feel like I am being. This (Go to the next section!)