Me: Charming, articulate and intelligent
You: A good cook who likes to take care of her man
Given my relative lack of culinary skills and my propensity to avoid paying for food, I figured the most rational solution was to find a girlfriend who enjoys surprising her man with baked goods (chocolate chip cookies and rice krispies treats are preferred) and home cooked meals.
The exchange is simple. You provide regular care package service and I’ll provide emotional support, validation and the occasional, "You're right! They *are* just jealous!" I'll be the boyfriend that Disney's soulless corporate machine has convinced you that you want. Your parents will be happy you finally found someone, your friends and coworkers will be jealous that you have a guy who won’t routinely try to slip it in the "oops hole," and your stalkers (should you have any) will shake their fists in impotent rage.
If you’re looking for a guy who will call you beautiful instead of hot. Someone who has an apartment like an igloo to shield you from this summer’s blistering heat. A real man with a real job then I’m your guy. My name’s Matthew and I look forward to getting to know you.
By the way, if you couldn’t tell I can be a bit sarcastic sometimes, but in all seriousness I’m not one to play games and am really just looking for a girl that I can talk to, explore the city and hopefully establish a genuine connection with.
P.S. I can actually cook. But wouldn’t turn it down if you did too