I partied like it was 1999 in the late 80s. Steve Jobs used to come to me when he needed a fresh idea. I consistently finish my 9 minute abs video in 7 minutes flat. I once climbed Mount Everest and Mount Kilimanjaro in 24 hours with nothing more than a bottle of water and a bag of skittles. I single-handedly prevented the Y2K crisis. Most of my resume details my substantial Guinness Book of World Records accomplishments. I am renowned across Sweden for revolutionizing their massage techniques. Tequila is my favorite food group. My hobbies include arm-wrestling conquistadors, reading the braille posted in various public facilities and stealing ice cream and bacon sundaes from select Burger King patrons.