Looking for a guy who's honest, sincere, faithful, and trustworthy? Well, Good Luck!
or the discerning woman, here are my fab "facts" and FAQ's, about the most amazing man you'll ever meet, ME:
1. I am single, never married, and have no children. So far, so good, but subject to change with a bit of old fashioned cunning and deceit. You figure it out. No, don't!
2. Recently returned from 3 long months in Cancun. It sucked. Nothing there but booze, beaches, and sunshine. However, I developed an affinity for Spanish. If you speak it, I will give 3 points upgrade on your Hotness scale. You're a 6? Now you're a 9! Not a bad deal, if you ask me.
3. I like everything HOT: hot dogs, hot tubs, hot peppers, Hot Wheels, walking on hot coals, hot chocolate, hot springs, anything hot off the grill or press, salsa, chilis, wasabi, the weather, whatevah. Yeah, you know EXACTLY where I'm going with this. Fire and brimstone, Baby.
4. Can I hold an intelligent conversation? let me tell ya...
5. My only fault is that I have none. You, too, should be perfect in every way. Someone who can turn water into wine, heal the sick, and raise the dead would be ideal. After all, wine goes great with dinner, and who makes better company than the sick and the dead?
6. There's a kernel of truth in everything I say (except when I'm lying).
7. I am comfortable in my own skin (but I usually wear clothes).
8. The last guy who sent you a message is a chump who secretly dresses in drag. I already know this. That's probably why you didn't respond.
9. I may be the last guy on earth who isn't a chump, or doesn't secretly dress in drag. That's why you should respond to me. And only me.
10. I can dance. Now I want to learn salsa and merengue.
11. Unlike these other idiots, I know how to use spell shecker.
12. I generally frown on texting while driving, but texting while in the throes of passion is definitely a deal breaker. Who the hell are you texting, anyway?!
13. (I've saved the best for last) I don't BS my way through life. I am like a half-retarded Indiana Jones, Will Hunting, and Van Wilder rolled into one. I love adventure and travel and have done so somewhat extensively. However, I come from a modest background, so I don't go for a lot of bourgeosie BS. Cultured and worldy? Sure. Learned? More or less. Pretentious? Not so much. I'm a bad boy who's been reformed and refined (in life, not prison). Among others, I went to Fugg U., but don't worry. I'll impress your friends at your little soiree.
So there you are: 13 incredible, indelible, articulate, and compelling reasons to contact ME. So let's stop stalking and start talking! And relax. I'm joking with you (for the most part). There's a 'Message Now' button below. You know what to do.