I’ve done some reflection on where I’m at these days, what my needs are, and “what I bring to the table,” and here’s some of my thinking and processing, which I’m sharing out of consideration for you and myself and prospects for developing relationships.
It’s been 5.5 months since I moved here for a new job, and nearly 6 months since my divorce was finalized. I’ve actively sought opportunities to connect with people through jdate during this period. Previously, in Oregon, I’d been active in synagogue and that was the venue for much of my connecting with community.
When I moved here mid-January, I placed primary importance on succeeding in my new job, as well as keeping connected with my son and completing migration of all my “stuff.” In the process, I allowed my previously strong and supportive connections to the Jewish community to drift as I put off planned efforts to attend services at a number of the area synagogues. At the same time, I proceeded to connect with a number of women via jdate.
From feedback and introspection, I’ve come to realize that community connection is fundamental to my sense of well-being, and I’ve reengaged to regularly participate in Shabbat services over the past couple months. In addition, I’ve reflected that it may be too soon to focus on or purposely pursue developing individual romantic or intimate relationships, that is, with respect to the recent completion of my divorce and taking the necessary time to heal.
It makes sense to me now, but it’s taken me a few months to get to this point.
So, you might be asking, what does this mean for my approach to and expectations for jdate, or to prospective relationships with women generally?
This is what I’ve concluded, for now: that in fairness to women seeking relationships via jdate AND to my personal self-care, I am…
1) not yet ready to fully engage in the process of exploring possibilities of potential “matches” and
2) wise to respond to the inner compass directing me to the support and strength of jewish community
Can I be a good friend to a woman today? Can I be supportive and giving or fun to be with now? I think yes – and yes and yes and yes.
Should I respond to and arrange to meet women via jdate at this time? I don’t know.
But I feel strongly that disclosing – up front as I’m initiating in this message now – my perspectives and experiences and feelings about what’s best and what I might be or not be ready for at present is the right thing for me to do.
I hope to maintain the connections I’ve made through jdate – to communicate and engage as we proceed and evolve in our lives.