This section is supposed to be about me, so get ready for a lot of I-statements. And like me, it is totally random.
I love screened-in porches and ceiling fans. I prefer my drinks in glasses with napkins wrapped around the bottom. I believe family is the most important thing in the world. I loathe leaf blowers with the fire of a thousand suns. I know if I wear white, I will spill something on it in a very short amount of time.
I am short, but most people overlook this because I am gregarious. I say it is because I am loud for my size. I come from a family of tall people, and growing up it was my way of making sure I did not get stepped on – not unlike a dachshund – or elbowed in the head by the taller members of my family. I may be the shortest, but I am no wallflower.
I have noticed many people like to post photos of themselves doing something active, like running a marathon or biking 100 miles. The last time I tried running, I was jogging in place, waiting for the light to change, and I fell off the curb. That – plus a soccer injury – has reinforced my belief that I was not meant for running. I am 100% okay with this. I think a good way to support my friends who run races and marathons is by cheering from the sidelines while I eat doughnuts.
I am noisiest when I am trying to be my quietest. I really think the DoD should consider hiring me for my strategic diversion skills. I can upset an apple cart in seconds. I recently met someone who has never lost his phone in his own home. I had no idea such a person existed. The thought of losing his phone in his own house had never crossed his mind. I don’t know if that shows an amazing amount of discipline or a serious lack of creativity.
I am a misanthrope and sometimes that gets me into trouble. I am oftentimes uncoordinated. Things happen to me that don’t seem to happen to other people. The last time I went to New York, a blind man got his cane stuck in my clog at Penn Station. We fell over each other and my luggage, and he stepped on my broken toe. I said a lot of bad words in a very short amount of time while he apologized profusely.
I enjoy cooking but I don’t really like doing it for one, mainly because I’m stuck eating it for more than three meals. I think the original Star Wars trilogy is the best movie in the world. (Yes, I count them as one. Don’t ask me to choose my favorite – it’s like “Sophie’s Choice.”) “Princess Bride” is the second-best movie in the world. I love everything that I have seen by Joss Whedon. Ditto for. J.J. Abrams, though I haven’t seen a single episode of “Lost” and I used to live in Hawaii. I had always thought that Star Wars was to Star Trek what U2 is to Sugar Ray, but I have really enjoyed the reboot of Star Trek.
Most of my friends have kids. I am extremely popular with the under-10 crowd. I think it’s because small children are honest and that’s something I respect. That, and I make good cookies and enjoy watching Pixar movies.