I went to Yeshiva for 14 years and all I got was this lousy knowledge of Jewish theology. I'm a French National and an American Citizen so that way I only have to have to pay for half of my health care. The Blue Man Group scares the crap out of me and I hate them. Someday my leather jacket will be in the Smithsonian next to Fonzie's jacket. I think it's really funny when people say they have the "most random taste in music" because what they don't realize is that their taste in music isn't random at all; all the music they listen to shares one common attribute.. I finally figured out what the Shift key on my keyboard is for. When I was an English major, I used to want to be an English professor just so I could teach a class at a university about why Charles Dickens sucked. I really like going drinking at the Ron Burgundy Room. I laugh at my own jokes because they're funnier than your jokes. I've never owned a trucker hat. I know how to fix most things. I can make a gourmet meal out of damn near anything. I own a bowling pin salvaged from the Hollywood Star Lanes on the closing night and autographed by the owner. I have a blue robe with my name embroidered on it. I own a tuxedo. I have a big black leather chair that I like to sit in. I like to say things that make people uncomfortable (like the back seat of a Volkswagen). I am the best driver in the world. I drive very fast and play my music as loud as I can and sing even louder (usually very badly). I can do fancy Zippo tricks. I wish I was as hot as you think you are. I don't have any tattoos, so obviously, I'm not as cool as you are.