About Me
IT'S TOO HARD TO TALK ABOUT MYSELF, SO I'LL LET OTHER PEOPLE SPEAK FOR ME.... MY MOTHER: OY VEY , VADDA BOYCHICK. HE HAS A VUNDERFUL BROTHER WHO AT LEAST CALLS ME ONCE IN A VHILE." MY FATHER: HE MADE ME VERY HAPPY…BY LEAVING HOME. MY BROTHER: "HE WAS ALWAYS VERY AMBITIOUS. BUT I TOLD HIM ‘LARRY’ I SAID ‘PICK ANOTHER PROFESSION. NOBODY’S LOOKING FOR A SHEPPARD HERE IN BROOKLYN. " MY SISTER: “I’M NOT INSINUATING ANYTHING, BUT A LOT OF MY PANTYHOSE ARE MISSING.” MY BEST FRIEND: ARE YOU KIDDING? HE NEVER PAID ME BACK THE MONEY I PUT UP FOR HIS BAIL. IF YOU WERE SMART YOU'D FORGET HIM AND CALL ME." MY EX WIFE: "HE WAS PERFECT. A PERFECT BUM, YOU CAN HAVE HIM." MY RABBI: "HE'S SO DUMB HE THINKS A BAR MITZVA IS A PLACE YOU GO FOR A DRINK." MY MANAGER AT PUBLIX: "IT TOOK HIM TWO WEEKS JUST TO MEMORIZE 'PAPER OR PLASTIC' AND THEN WHEN HE CARRIED OUT THE PACKAGES, HE TIPPED THEM." MY PHYSCIATRIST: “FOR TAKING HIM ON AS A PATIENT….. I SHOULD HAVE MY HEAD EXAMINED.” MY SINGING TEACHER: “HE WAS MY STUDENT FOR THREE WEEKS AND THAT WAS ENOUGH. EVERY TIME I ASKED HIM TO SING A HIGH NOTE HE’D STAND ON A CHAIR.” DR. MORGAN; I TOLD HIM A MILLION TIMES I CAN'T TAKE CARE OF HIM, I'M A GYNECOLOGIST, AND HE SAYS "LOOK AT ME WITH YOUR EYES CLOSED."DR. SEGAL; I TOLD HIM HE'S NOT MY KIND OF PATIENT, I'M A VETERINARIAN. HE SAYS HE'LL BE ALL RIGHT IF I RUB HIS STOMACH.