JBlog

• RT @ShaunAppleby Best quote from 30 rock "somewhere right now a guy is on a JDate with Monica Lewinsky. Nobody's perfect." #
• RT @MatzoBall23 Need a reason to go to Schmooz-A-Palooza? The movie theater and Chinese take-out are closed. http://www.jdate.com/schmooza #
• Attn NY'ers! Come to the DavidShapiro/JDate Dueling Pianos Party on Nov. 12 @ Sweet Caroline's! Buy TIX Now! http://tinyurl.com/ygljhfb #
• Meet someone "Grape!" Come to the LA Taste of the Westside Wine Party on Nov. 15! Buy tix NOW! http://tinyurl.com/yhtbf6l #
• RT @interactiveAmy It was 4 yrs ago tonight that I reconnected with @Joshkorin on @jdate. Life hasn't been the same since! Smooch! #
• Mazel tov and Happy JDate-Anniversary @InteractiveAmy and @JoshKorin! When will you send in your success story for us to share? #
• RT @jewishbloggers @JDate The Art of Personal Pics http://j.mp/2mAhln http://j.mp/zoOn2 – Check out the newest post from @singleedition! #

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Over the last several months, I have received quite a few questions concerning long-distance relationships. It can be a great deal of work to maintain a relationship, especially one that has many miles between the two parties, but they can work.  Trust is definitely the major component here and, in my opinion, the most important component.

Trust can be established through communication.  It is vital that the lines of communication remain open and time is spent communicating.  Make sure your partner is your last call of the evening.  Take some time each and every day to send a quick email/text message to let the person know you are thinking of him/her. Don’t keep secrets and don’t do anything you wouldn’t do if your partner was standing directly in front of you. I also believe handwritten letters are a lost art. There is nothing like receiving a letter in your “real” mailbox. Put some time aside a few times a month to write letters to your partner. 

Make time to see the other person.  I realize money might be an issue, but maintaining a relationship does take face-to-face contact. Even if it is only once a month, find the time and money, it is well worth it! 

Signed,

Gems from Jen

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Sometimes you think you’re over someone.  You take comfort in your current crush and roll with the punches.  Then, you see pictures of your former fling formidably happy with someone else, and, suddenly, sipping endless amounts of Vicodin seems the best way to distract yourself from any other drug of choice.  The question is, why are they happy when you’re ready to slit your wrists?  And even the thought of stitching yourself up isn’t enough to hold you together when, clearly, you could have made him happier.  So, if the only obstacle was a geographic formality, is there still hope?  Is the one thing missing that grand (albeit expensive) aerial gesture?  No, the fact of the matter is, if he wasn’t willing to fight for you – why fight for him?  Instead, roll with the punches and submit whoever can’t keep up for three rounds.  More than likely, they wanted to give in for a reason.  Attribute that to your chick charm – or ability to intimidate.  Either way, you won the match….

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I looove Halloween, what a great holiday! It’s a fun opportunity for us to act like kids without apologizing for it. Being a brunette who’s petite, yet curvy, a sexy Wonder Woman costume seemed to fit the bill. As I searched for Superman/Clark Kent (no doubt a great how-we-met story don’t ya think?) some other treats passed me in the early evening. What a fun time Halloween is.

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 So, I had asked you, earlier on the month, about a situation I had with a guy who had blown me off with no explanation after a great first date and constant texting and calls after. Well, his excuse was he lost his phone and came down with the flu. He apologized and we called a truce and I gave him a second chance which he seemed to be thankful for. Well, we met again for the second time the other night. The whole week prior to the date we texted each other constantly throughout the day and night (which bothered me a bit). I am used to talking on the phone a lot to get to know someone, but I have not dated in eight years so I just figured that texting is what singles are doing nowadays. Anyway, the date went well, we had a great conversation, he showed me pictures of his daughter, we talked about our kids and I was happy that we had met up again. He even commented on how happy he was that I gave him another chance. The date lasted four hours. Before we left the restaurant he told me to text him when I got home to let him know I was ok. I got home, texted him and went to bed.

 The next day I thought it a bit odd that I did not hear from him in the morning so I went about my day. Late in the afternoon, I texted him to say hi and asked how his day was going and I never heard from him again! Wow, do I feel like an idiot for giving this jerk a second chance. I am starting to think he has a girlfriend. Why would someone screw with someone’s head like this? If dating is like this nowadays let me stop right here. Who needs this aggravation and disappointment? That is why I left my husband. Since I am new to dating again please let me know if I did something wrong here…was it giving him a second chance?

Dear What Happened Part II,

Again, I’m sorry this happened to you. Sometimes, it takes us longer to learn the lessons we need to learn. This guy, as you can obviously tell at this point, is not being honest with you. He has a pattern here and if you ever hear from him again my suggestion would be to run the other way! I have no idea what his motives truly are, but he is not the straight-forward person he claims to be.

As for the texting, if this is not a comfortable way of communicating for you let the other person know. No one is a mind reader and you must feel comfortable in order to be fully vested in a relationship.

The only mistake you made was giving this guy a second chance.  We have all done it, so don’t beat yourself up. Just realize he is not the one for you and continue your search.  There really are nice guys out there!

Signed,

Gems from Jen

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Would you (and be honest) set up a friend of the opposite sex that you were attracted to — but weren’t dating? This was a conversation and predicament that I had with a guy friend recently. This resulted in the theory of the “lay away plan.”  Why would you set up someone if you might want to date them in the future or you knew that doing so would make you jealous? The answer: because the person is a friend, a true friend, and you would like them to be happy and you are willing to be selfless to see that happen. And if you can’t, maybe your friendship isn’t as true as you thought…Or, maybe you should ask them out. Things that make you go hmmm.

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Hollyweird really knows how to breathe new life into the night of the living dead.  With girls traipsing around in next to nothing and dudes pretending to be someone they aren’t, the night was everything you could hope for in a masquerade.  That being said, my date with Rob Zombie was a hectic and hazy experience – but well worth the chaos.  Aside from the pretty little things that peppered the Palladium, the mosh pit was a mangled mess of a situation (much like my love life) and those brave enough to participate enrolled themselves in a drunken dance of punching and pushing that looked more or less like a ballistic ballet gone awry.  It’s nice to pretend to be someone else for a whole twenty-four though, what’s life without a little role-play?  So when you get bored with your current crush sitch, just don a disguise and go out looking for new guys.  It’s nice to get a little devilish in the City of Angels, and even better when all hell breaks loose.

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Jen,

I feel obligated to call after a first date even if I do not want to continue dating the person. What do you recommend I say in such a situation? Do I say “I enjoyed meeting you but I think we should be friends”? Sometimes, I don’t even want to call, but I hear that women don’t like that. Maybe they really don’t want to hear from me again. What do the experts recommend in this situation?

Dear Obligation,

I completely understand your confusion regarding this dilemma. Calling is the polite thing to do. However, I believe you should be honest before the first date even ends.  If you are truly not interested, then do not let your date believe there might be more dates to follow. I do recognize that it is an uncomfortable thing to do, but honesty is the best policy here. Put yourself in your date’s shoes.  Would you want to sit around waiting for a call looking forward to a second date and that time never comes? I know I sure wouldn’t.

Now, with that said, if you did say you were going to call, then call. However, when you make that call be sure to let the woman know you enjoyed meeting her, but you are not interested in pursuing anything more. It takes real courage to let someone down gently and honestly. But, it is the right thing to do. I cannot tell you how many letters I have received on this topic.  The difference was most of these people have been ignored rather than treated with honesty. I’m glad to see there are people like you!

Signed,

Gems from Jen

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• We love that 30 Rock episode! RT @matuzalem "Somewhere right now Monica Lewinsky is on a JDate with someone" #
• Everyone is dying to go on our haunted scavenger hunt! Celebrate Halloween early on THURS 10/29 in LA! Get TIX! http://tinyurl.com/yanmhrs #
• Haunted Hollywood Scavenger Hunt – Everyone is dying to go! Celebrate Halloween early on THURS 10/29! Get TIX! http://tinyurl.com/yanmhrs #

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It’s that time of year again. It is in the air, Halloween.  A few weeks ago, while visiting my parents, I asked each one of them what Halloween was like for them as children.  Their answers were completely different than what I had conjured up in my own mind about each of their childhoods.

My mother was raised as a Conservative Jew. Her father was very observant and did not believe in putting any time and/or energy into holidays that were not strictly Jewish. My mother who grew up in New York City wasn’t allowed to trick-or-treat. She never dressed up, felt the excitement all day at school, or got to look forward to the chocolate bar before bed on Halloween night.

 My father was raised as a Reform Jew and was able to partake in trick-or treating. I always imagine his early years as Leave it to Beaver. He had an older brother, a working father, and a mother who seemed to be able to fix any problem in 22 minutes or less. His Halloween night was spent in costume going door to door collecting money for Unicef. Again, no chocolate bar before hitting the pillow for the night. But, what a concept; spending an evening with friends doing something for someone else. How many of us really, truly do that?

I grew up waiting for the one night of the year to collect as much candy as possible.  My brother and I would compete to see who could get more. It is not easy to admit, but at times I’m still like this. Putting my needs, even if they are just a hankering for a good old-fashioned chocolate bar before someone else’s.

If for just a few minutes a day we were to all do something kind for someone else I believe this world would be a much happier, kinder and gentler place. Think about this next time you go on a date.  Put yourself in the other person’s shoes for just a few moments. If you feel nervous imagine how the other person must feel. It takes a lot of effort to date and to put oneself out there. It makes us vulnerable which can be a scary place to be. Be kind with your dates. Honesty, integrity and helping someone feel more at ease are all signs of great character.  Make these attributes part of who you are and treat people in a manner that you would like to be treated. In essence, collect for Unicef on Halloween night, instead of going out there for as much candy as you can get your hands on. You still get the pleasure of trick-or-treating without gaining an ounce, and you did something good for someone else.  I imagine if we all took the time to do this all of our dates would have much happier endings.

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