Based on my last blog entry, I thought it would be a good idea to elaborate on communicating via the old fashioned device some of us may remember–the phone.
Once the first date has concluded, people tend to either freeze or move too quickly. There are ways in which both behaviors can be turned around altogether. If you would rather not see the person again, just move on and let them know you are not interested. On the other hand, if your time together was memorable and you are interested in a second date, here are some basic guidelines:
• Wait 48 hours and then call. Thank your date for your time together and let him/her know what a great time you had. This leaves the door open for a second date. Mystery and suspense keep us hooked, that is why I recommend 48 hours, but do not leave your potential date waiting too long. I have found that when people wait too long to call, the other person believes they must not be interested and moves on to the next person waiting for a date. I can remember many nights sitting by my phone and thinking, ‘Is he going to call?’ When he would finally call, my interest had already waned. I no longer wanted to continue something with someone who didn’t have the common courtesy to pick up a phone after spending an entire evening with me.
• Keep the conversation short, but do not rush. I know this reads as an oxy-moron, but getting to the point and securing a second date is the goal. Know what it is you would like to gain from the conversation and if that goal has been achieved, end the conversation and continue on with your usual routine.
• If you told the person you would call, then by all means call. Even if your intention is not to pursue anything further. Let them down gently, but also do not allow yourself to be talked into something that you are not interested in pursuing because of the guilt you might be experiencing.
• I’m always asked, “What if he/she does not answer?” Leave a message. If you do not get a return phone call within 24 hours leave another message. Sometimes things happen that prevent people from getting their messages. My suggestion is to leave no more than two messages. If the person does not return your phone call after a second message, move on. Who wants to be dating someone who doesn’t have the common courtesy to at least return a phone call?
• Lastly, smile while you have the phone conversation, even if you are feeling anxious. This comes across to the person on the other end of the line. Surprisingly, smiling can help to quiet our anxieties, and can be a confidence booster.