Dear Gems from Jen,
I am a smart, funny, witty, attractive and uniquely interesting woman. Those are the written words contained in the emails from men responding to my profile.
I am not boastful, but I need for you to get the picture so you can advise accordingly…I also share this so you can appreciate my depth of insight and objective clarity in relaying to you the facts of my perplexing experiences.
When writing to a prospective profile, I like to inject warmth, wit and a reference to something personal the gentleman has shared in his profile.
This usually yields an invitation to call him.
I do so within a day or two.
I receive a phone call—sometimes a week will pass— and the voice mail message inevitably contains an apology about his business.
I will call and/or write back and suggest a couple of dates and times to meet.
He says he will call towards the end of the week to firm up and is looking forward to meeting.
Then there is no call or another apology and an invitation for me to call him again.
This has happened at least 4 times and the chase is now leftup to me.
Because this has happened a few too many times, I now have short, but sweet email and only one phone call exchange. Yet this mysterious male affliction persists.
I realize I am the common denominator, so I have brutally scrutinized my emails and conversations.
I am an entreprenuer and cold phone calls with interesting and witty banter are my fortay. This is how I earn my money. I have asked for honest feedback and the concensus is a friendly, witty, intelligent, interesting and inviting demeanor is both projected and received.
The irony is these very same men complain that the women they speak to or email will not commit to a face to face meeting!.
So this is my question—— why would a man buy a membership, upload a picture, write a profile, exert energy in email and phone call exchanges, truly sound sincere, excited and interested, only to fizzle away?
I check to see if they are still a member and sure enough they were last on the site an hour ago or a day ago.
I even asked this one guy who expressed his enjoyment with our our phone chemisty, why he would not right then and there, commit to a firm date to finally meet.
“Well, I have my daughter’s birthday party and next week is Passover so call me or I will call you.”
To which I retorted, “Are you sincere about meeting, please tell me the truth, I won’t be offended.”
He said, “Absolutely! Do you know how impossible it is to find a funny, intelligent, quick witted and pretty woman?..My apologies. It’s just that I have been exceptionally busy, but I really do want to meet.”
It’s been 3 weeks.
I am not intimidated to initiate the original contact nor make a phone call. Do they expect me to chase them?
I thought it was the male who was turned on by the chase. I don’t get it. Do you?
Thanks for taking the time to read my sad and perplexing saga ;0)
Dear Perdy Phunny,
Does a woman chase a man? I think that is up to each individual to decide. Do men like the chase? Absolutely, it makes them feel like a man. Do men with a low self image like to chase? Perhaps not so much. So where does this leave Ms. Phunny? Scrutinizing every word she speaks or writes.
Did you ever stop to think that scrutinizing everything you say or do might be adding to your particular perplexing situation? Asking men about their sincerity might make some men think twice about your ability to trust your own self-image. Men are attracted to women who are confident, but not cocky. A question of this nature posed to a potential date could have an adverse reaction to the way one might perceive you.
My suggestion: slow down! You are over thinking all of this. Be yourself. Witty banter can only take you so far. If you perceive yourself as witty then you probably feel the need to outdo yourself each time you speak or write. You are missing the moment if you are always considering your “next line.” Be comfortable with who you are and the witty banter will no longer be needed in your dating life. I agree, wit does come across as sounding intelligent, but it masks the authentic person behind the wit.
If a man is unwilling to commit to a meeting, then by all means move on to the next profile. Why waste your time? There are many men on JDate looking to meet live and in person. Let the genuine you emerge and you will find men who are willing to commit to a first date.
Gems from Jen