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Archive for September, 2009
Dear Gems from Jen,
Why do so many men view your profile, you view theirs, and then nothing comes of it?
I feel that talking to someone is interesting, and also helps to see who meshes with you.
Dear So Much Viewing,
Viewing a profile is one thing, corresponding is another. I agree, talking to people is usually interesting and it is generally a good way of determining if there is some common ground. Contact does not mean marriage; it means going out on a limb and making oneself a bit vulnerable. My suggestion is to start the conversation with these men who have viewed your profile but haven’t made contact. The worst that could happen is they are not interested. You will not have lost anything. You might be surprised with the responses you get and meet some interesting people in the process. Someone has to make the first move, so why not take your dating life into your own hands and you do the following through?
Gems from Jen
Here I am sitting on a red rock after a strenuous hike in Zion National Park taking in the breathtaking scenery and pondering life.-Little Miss New Yorker in blazing hot Utah – who would have thunk it?
Did I envision I would still be maneuvering dating in my thirties and taking a solo trip here and there? Hell No! But decidedly there is something empowering about not waiting to be a couple to see the world. Life goes by too quickly with too much uncertainty for that. So as I continue to hike the steep rocks of Angel’s Landing, I do as I do well in the dating world; by Getting smarter and realizing quicker which are the right trails for me and my comfort level. No doubt there will be some twists and turns and sharp edges as I navigate my way, but I’m looking forward to that peak because not only is the landing view unforgettable but the path taken makes the hike all worth it.
The Zion shuttle has just picked me up for my next hike. A tall, fit (sweaty) hottie traveling the world solo says hello and engages me in conversation…hmmm…hiking solo maybe not be such a bad thing.
In a city where everything is amplified, fast cars have to be faster, fast food is never ever fast enough, and hooking up turns into a relationship before you can even blink – it’s safe to say the L.A. dating scene is virtually non-existent. Discussing this phenomenon with my best friend, it became apparent that lines must be drawn. This lazy dating trend train that everyone is jumping on to is a vicious cycle. So if you don’t hook up, you have no chance? That seems more than ridiculous, but unfortunately true. What it comes down to is, the rules are completely extinct – so just take it a day at a time. Go out, stay in, enjoy whatever the latest tryst trend may be. Just remember the situation is almost never black and white. Mostly, everything comes in shades of gray.
Dear Gems from Jen,
I am wondering what to do when I get a Flirt or an email and I am not interested in pursuing a conversation. What is the etiquette? I feel like I want to reply but not sure how to say “thanks for writing but I’m not interested.” Any ideas?
I know this may sound old-fashioned and kind of cliché, but do you remember the “golden rule?” “Treat others in a way that you’re willing to be treated in the same exact situation.” To apply it, envision yourself in the exact place of the other person on the receiving end of the action. If you act in a given way toward another, and yet are unwilling to be treated that way in the same circumstance, then you are violating the golden rule. I believe most people would like a response. They spent the time to write, so spend a moment or two to respond.
With that being said, I see absolutely nothing wrong with saying, “thanks for writing but I’m not interested.” It leaves no room for guessing where you stand on the part of the sender and you are displaying common courtesy. There have been numerous questions written to me about this very subject and I always say a reply is the most appropriate course of action.
Gems from Jen
Tootsie Rolls, Bazooka Bubble Gum, Abba Zabba, Easter Peeps and Ring Pops are all iconic American candies, but did you know they were all created by Jewish people? Over a century ago, most candies were generic penny candy you could pick out of a barrel or in a jar at your local five and dime. Most of these sweets were created and distributed by Jewish immigrants who made the inexpensive confections in their homes. The old adage that “candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker” may sound great, but many a turn-of-the-century Jewish immigrant would beg to differ. Most Jewish immigrants came to America with nothing but the shirt on their back and a wealth of entrepreneurial spirit, so many were drawn to selling candy because the ingredients were inexpensive and they could use trial and error to perfect their recipes without wasting large amounts of money on costly experimentation.
The Tootsie Roll was created by Austrian immigrant Leo Hirshfield who opened a candy store in New York City in 1896. His most successful penny candy was a chewy cross between fudge and caramel that he named after his daughter Clara, affectionately known as “Tootsie.” Today, the company is still ran by Hirshfield’s descendants and Tootsie Roll Industries churns out over 62 million of these sweet little barrels of joy every day!
Sam Born arrived in the U.S. from Russia in 1910 and invented the process for creating the hard chocolate coating on Eskimo Pies, a machine that inserts sticks into lollipops and a chocolate-sprinkle producing machine that creates Jimmies (named after the machine’s operator). Born, along with his brothers-in-law Irv and Jack Shaffer, would go on to create Mike and Ike candies, Hot Tamales and Easter Peeps. Other notable Jewish confectioners include Abraham, Ira, Philip and Joseph Shorin whose company, Topps, led to the creation of Topps Baseball Cards, Ring Pops, Push Pops, Bazooka Bubble Gum and comic book icon Bazooka Joe.
Today, due to the hard work and entrepreneurial spirit of immigrants from Old World Europe, prominent Jewish families have become central to the candy trade. Not only has this resulted in world-recognized brands and generations of wealth, but millions and millions of happy children and more than a few unnecessary visits to the dentist.
You know those nights? The nights you can’t remember with friends you’ll never forget? And no matter what your vice of choice is to make the seven deadly sins more appealing, you end up trying to erase the little parts of the night you can piece together. Unfortunately for you, in this age of great technology, your brain has adapted to the DVR mentality, and you watch scenes unfold like a bad rerun you can’t erase. All in all, was the sin worth spending the following day in hell? Of course, so long as you indulge in moderation, right? But then again, in California where less is almost never more- moderation is a term that’s almost extinct. So, maintain the modest mentality and indulge every so often. But just remember, if you want to play- you’ll most certainly have to pay.
Dear Gems from Jen,
My boyfriend and I have been together for over five years. We are living together. We have kept our finances separate, so I had no idea what his situation was. He works, makes a good income and I assumed it was ok. I don’t want kids, and I did not think marriage was terribly important.
Recently I thought it may be a good idea to buy a house, and that is when I found out that he does not have any savings at all, and does not qualify for any loans because of bad credit. He is 42 years old and has lived with his parents most of his life, but has always had a job. He has never traveled. I don’t understand how he can have no money. He does like to spend; as he has all the latest electronics and has to have what he wants right away.
We were still shopping for a house, and the mortgage and the downpayment would have to be in my name. He gave me such a hard time, anything I liked was not good enough and he wanted a more expensive house. He was saying that my savings was not really that much and now that he is out of debt he will pay for most of the mortgage. I said that the only way I would do that is if he lets me manage all of the money, but he does not want to do that. Now I decided that I don’t want to buy a house and I would prefer to wait in order to save more and have him contribute to the downpayment as well. He does not want to do that. He wants a house now, or he does not want it at all. He is giving me ultimatums.
Now he is depressed and sad because I don’t want to buy. He even said that I have way too much control. Now he changed his tune, and wants a cheaper house or any house as long as it is now. If I don’t like a house, he gets upset and says that I am too picky. He behaves like a pig one day and is really nice the next day.
He tells me he loves me all the time. He is really sweet and easy to be with most of the time.
Now I am thinking of leaving him. I personally don’t mind if the guy manages all the finances, but he is incapable of it and will not let me do it. He can’t even pay his phone bill on time. How can we have a future together?
Dear Money And Love,
I think you have already answered your own question. It sounds to me as if your boyfriend lives more for the immediate gratification rather than achieving long-term goals. My first question to you is: How can you trust this guy to pay the mortgage, even if you do handle the finances? You stated that he has all of the latest electronics, he’s picky with what sounds like your money, can’t pay his phone bill on time and has no savings. Do you see a future with this guy?
He’s giving you ultimatums, behaving child and pig-like when he does not get his way, and he’s now sad because you don’t want to buy a house with your money. It is apparent to me that you need to sit down and think long and hard about making a purchase of this magnitude with someone who cannot manage their own finances. This situation has the potential to end up as a complete disaster financially for you. His behavior and issues with financial responsibility do not appear to be that of a man who is mature enough to make this type of purchase. I would consider very strongly not delving into this arrangement with him. As for your relationship, only the two of you can decide how to proceed once you make your decision regarding the house purchase. For the time being, take some time and really weigh your options. I wish you all the best with this very important decision!
Gems from Jen
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Dear Gems from Jen,
I have been dating this guy for about six weeks and we met through JDate. Things seem to be going well and recently he has started going back on JDate every couple of days. What does this mean? Is he looking elsewhere or is he just a JDate junkie?
Dear JDate Junkie,
Have the two of you spoken about the nature of your relationship? Are you exclusive? Has it been discussed whether or not either of you can still utilize the site? You stated that you want to know what this means, but I guess my first question is, ‘What are you doing on JDate if you are worried about him being on JDate?’ Are you still looking at profiles or are you keeping tabs on him?
My suggestion is to have a candid discussion with this guy. Find out where his head is at. Communicate regarding the ground rules of your relationship. If there is no exclusivity then there is nothing wrong with being on JDate. If the two of you decide to begin a relationship that is exclusive then being on JDate would be a no-no. Until then, there is nothing wrong with either of you using the site to continue with your searches.
Gems from Jen