Archive for November, 2009

Conflicting Messages

by GemsFromJen under JBloggers,Relationships,Single Life

Dear Gems from Jen,

A couple of months ago, a man in another department at work began showing me a tremendous amount of attention.  I recently realized he was showing up everywhere and calling me for questions I knew he didn’t need to ask.  He’s really friendly and funny and we get along great.  He asks a lot of questions, sometimes personal as if he is seeking information about me, and I enjoy the attention.  I finally got the courage to ask him out and he thanked me profusely but said, “That wouldn’t be possible because I’m sort of seeing someone right now.”  It was the most uncomfortable thing, but he kept me there talking for 45 minutes and since then he has not backed off at all; if anything he may even be more attentive.  I really like him but would not want to hurt anyone and also feel kind of angry that he might be playing a game with me.  Friends say maybe his relationship is not working out and he’s “testing the waters.”  Also, we are both in our early 40s but he is single with no kids and I’m divorced with four kids.  What should I do?

Dear Conflicting Messages,

It sounds to me as if this guy has already given you your answer.  You asked him out and he told you he was dating someone else. I understand the attention is enjoyable, but do you want to date someone who is asking personal questions while involved with another woman? I’m also curious as to how you could potentially hurt him? It sounds to me as if he has hurt you with his conflicting messages.  My suggestion is to set your sights on someone who is available, not someone who gives you only partially what you want and need.

Secondly, dating someone from work, even if the person works in a different department, can be like treading dangerous water. What happens if it does not work out? How would you feel going to work every day and seeing this guy? My guess is it would be very uncomfortable, not just for you, but for him as well. Make a conscious effort to spend less time socializing with him. The more distance you put between the two of you, the more ready you will be to meet someone who will not give you conflicting messages. I hope this helps!

Signed,

Gems from Jen


Twitter Weekly Updates for 2009-11-27

by JDateAdministrator under JDate

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by GemsFromJen under JBloggers,Relationships

Dear Gems from Jen,
Quick question for you… so I’ve been dating this girl now for about 4 months, and I really really like her.  We’re pretty serious about things, but I’m ready to put a ‘label’ on our relationship (boyfriend/girlfriend).  How should I do this?

Abe

Dear Abe,

This might sound cliché, but honesty is the best policy here. Have a candid conversation with this woman and tell her how you are feeling. Putting a label on a relationship after 4 months of dating someone seems as if it is a normal progression. Unless you tell her how you are feeling she will not know. Be authentic and take the risk. It sounds to me as if you are off to a great start with this woman! I would love to hear how your relationship progresses, keep me posted.

Signed,

Gems from Jen

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Stood Up

by GemsFromJen under Date Night,JBloggers,Relationships

Dear Gems from Jen,

What should I do? We had three great dates and then he ran, but he  views my profile and I view his.  We do not live very far from each other, but we have nothing to bring us together other than this site. I like him, he must like me, otherwise why is he still looking at my profile? He has been married three times, I have only been once. This is nuts. What should Ido? I haven’t written to him in a while. I just see that he has looked at my profile.

Dear What to Do,

This man stood you up and ran. What is it you would like to do? Whether he looks or not, do you want to date someone who sounds as if he is afraid to make contact with you and is willing to stand you up? Make the decision that you don’t deserve to be treated in this manner and then you will have your answer on what it is to do. I have no idea why he is still looking, but he is.  It will make no difference to you once you decide that you deserve to date someone who treats you with respect and decency.  There are so many men on JDate who will treat you in the way everyone deserves to be treated; with decency and respect. Keep up the search and pay no attention to someone who does not have the courage to cancel a date.

Signed,
Gems from Jen

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Manscaping

by SWEETADVENTURE8 under Entertainment,JBloggers

After book club, a misnomer really, just us girls getting together to nosh and catch up, we headed over to “Nails and More” in an express lane of other women banging out our quick maintenance…mani/pedi-check; waxing-check; massage – double check…

But let’s hear it for the boys out there that manscape as well.  A recent poll taken at the authentic book club reports that: 4 out of 5 of us agree that it is not only appreciated, but in all honesty needed!

All manscapers unite!


Tis The Season…

by SweetLo under Entertainment,JBloggers

‘Tis the season for a little sub-zero scandal. So when (HEL)L. A. freezes over and what’s left of the summer bronze is traded in for a little fake and bake, you know it’s time to start prepping for the winter weather ahead. Summer induces a little overdose on beachfront bars and Caribbean cocktails, so this season, make sure the only umbrella accompanying you is to keep you high and dry, and not inside of your drink! Trade in the Venice-style rollerblades and kick them to the curb. Instead, opt for a little oceanside skating at one of the various impromptu ice rinks popping up all over this city sinfully lacking in northern culture. If the Icecapades aren’t exactly your idea of a good time, you can head from surf to slopes in under three hours to trade in your bunny from beach to snow. If the scandalous little snowbunny in you snags a snowhunny, there’s no better first date than a trip (and possible fall) down the runs to break the ice! I’m a huge fan of any season that’s couture calls for a little more left to the imagination and a little less of the painfully obvious. So even though skin is always in, conceal that birthday suit in an ever enticing ensemble – it always makes the unwrapping more of a treat later! Stay tuned for more places to turn the heat up, because baby, it’s cold outside! (Yes, even in L.A.)

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Serious Relationships

by GemsFromJen under JBloggers,Relationships

Dear Gems from Jen,

I had two serious relationships, the last of which ended almost four years ago.  I’ve dated a lot since then, but no one longer than three and a half months.  Both of my serious relationships ended because of the religion issue (i.e., they weren’t Jewish).  Both girls were incredible and we had amazing relationships otherwise.

I feel like I can’t find the same spark with anyone I’ve dated since.  I’ve actually liked a lot of the girls I’ve dated and I’m even friends with two of them, but it’s just not the same.  I fully believe this issue is mine.  I’ve never really sought out a professional to ask how I can overcome whatever issue I have.  I’m very successful in every other area of my life.

Thanks for your help. I’m very interested to hear your thoughts.

Regards,
M

Dear Serious Relationships,

I am wondering if you are comparing these two past relationships to the women you are dating now? Sometimes people tend do this without even being aware that they are doing it.. You knew these relationships from your past were not going to work out, but you chose to stay even though you knew neither was right for you.  Have you considered the possibility that perhaps you don’t want a successful relationship?  I’m not necessarily saying this is your truth, but it is something for you to think about.  Spend some time figuring out what the “spark” you felt really was. Was it knowing these relationships were a no-no, or was it true chemistry? If you truly want a serious relationship, make your list of your non-negotiable items, including the Judaism piece, and stick to it. Spend time every day looking at profiles on JDate and contact only those that fit your criteria.  Allow yourself to let go of the past and move forward with your future.

Signed,
Gems from Jen

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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2009-11-20

by JDateAdministrator under JDate

Is This The Right Person?

by GemsFromJen under JDate,Online Dating

There are so many potential matches on JDate, how can one know when the right person comes along? Here are a few tips to help find the answer:
• Do we share common morals and values?
• Do I feel safe with this person?
• Am I comfortable expressing my feelings?
• How does my partner treat other people?
• Is there something about the other person that I hope to change?
• Do I still have feelings for an ex?
• What do I really want from this relationship?
• Why do I want to be in this relationship?
• Do I respect and like my partner?
• Do the two of us laugh when we’re together?
• Do I enjoy my time with this person?
• Do we have the same work ethic?
• How does this person treat his/her family?
• Do I trust this person?
• Do we have at least a few things in common?
• Can we have a respectful argument where neither of us puts the other one down?
• Can we have an intelligent debate without it turning into war?
• Am I attracted to this person? Physically, mentally and as a person in general?
• Do I look forward to spending time with this person?
• Does this person have generally the same future goals as me? For example; future children.
• Lastly, can I close my eyes and imagine being with this person years from now?

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Red Red Wine

by SWEETADVENTURE8 under JBloggers,Single Life

Last night, JDate co-hosted a wine tasting event for 30s to 40s age ranges at the 92nd Street Y.  I thought the concept, though not new, was sophisticated and fun.  I was particularly drawn to the red wines, Montepulciano in particular. What does that say? I guess wine in some aspects are like men, many varieties.  I like mine well rounded in personality though fit and toned, understated, mature yet with hints of spice, and undertones of genius and great character. Though I chatted it up with a few people and took some sips, I continue my search for that perfect blend.