Archive for December, 2009

To Beard Or Not To Beard…

by GemsFromJen under JBloggers,Relationships

Dear Gems from Jen,

I was married for 20 years, I have had a beard since I was 17. Now back on the market, I am told that beards our “out” – and that if I want to attract an attractive woman that I need to shave it.
Thoughts?

Dear Bearded Guy,

I believe everyone has their own preference.  Beards, goatees, clean shaven, 5:00 shadow, etc. Just because you heard something was “out” does not make it true. How would you feel if you did shave your beard? Give it a shot and if you don’t like the way you look, grow it back. I know for me personally facial hair usually has no influence over who I am attracted to. Just keep in mind what one person finds attractive does not necessarily mean the next person will find the same quality or qualities attractive. I also would like for you to remember it truly isn’t about what is on the outside, but rather what is on the inside.

Signed,
Gems from Jen

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Don’t Be Tardy For The Party

by SweetLo under Date Night,JBloggers

Sometimes you go on a date and the only thing you can count on is Murphy’s Law. Recently, I went out with this guy who not only showed up a half hour late (like he’s never heard, ‘don’t be tardy for the party’) and looked like he just rolled out of bed. I was so sorry to interrupt his date with his bed for ours, but hello, he asked me out. So, trying to ignore the urge to say, ‘Hi the ‘90s called, they want their outfit back,’ I decided to move past everything and continue on. Well to add to Prince Charming’s attributes, he asked if we could “join forces” when the bill came – taking going Dutch to a whole new level of awkward. So just to recap my gem of an evening, he showed up late in last decade’s clothes and then used some sort of Star Wars reference to have me pay half the bill. Now kids, I am in no way suggesting it is a guy’s responsibility to pay, it was just one ridiculously obnoxious night. To seal the fate that was my date, when walking to my car, he cleverly hid a little X-rated request behind a PG suggestion: “Want to come over and play board games?” Well, Milton and Bradley would not be so lucky. I headed to my car, thanked him for an utterly fabulous evening out on the town, and remembered why dating rocks, because now I have one hell of a story. Begging the question, “Why don’t they do what they say, say what they mean? One thing leads to another.”


2 Dates

by GemsFromJen under Date Night,JBloggers,Relationships

Dear Gems from Jen,

So, I have been on 2 dates with one guy. Then I went on vacation.  When I returned, I left a voicemail, and he returned the call (he got my voicemail), and then called me again later that night.  But he did not ask me out on another date…Should I assume he is not interested?

Dear 2 Dates,

This is how two people become two ships passing in the night.  I know it sounds horribly cliché, but it is the truth. Why would you assume anything? It sounds to me as if he is interested as evidenced by his return phone call later that same evening. Before you throw in the towel and decide what it is he must be thinking and/or feeling, have another conversation with him. Perhaps he was waiting to see if you were still interested. Maybe you didn’t come across as wanting to go out with him again because you were waiting for him to ask you out rather than participating 100 percent in the phone conversation.  Maybe he would like for you to ask him out this time around. There are so many possibilities here. Making assumptions and trying to read someone’s mind based on our own fears usually has negative consequences.  One thing is for sure though; you will not have your answer unless you communicate honestly and genuinely with this guy.

Signed,
Gems from Jen

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What Happens On Sunset…

by SweetLo under Entertainment,JBloggers,JDate

‘Tis the season for friends, food and a whole lot of calories. In between the gift hunting, mall madness, and general holiday stress – the party of the year is fast approaching! Christmas Eve used to mean Chinese food and movies, but thanks to JDate, we’ve revamped that jaded idea into an excuse to stay out ‘til dawn enjoying those Hollywood nights. So instead of stressing over what to do – obviously there’s only one right choice and clearly no excuses, seeing as no one has work the next day – head to the House of Blues on Sunset for a little holiday debauchery and some sub-zero scandal! What I like the best is this event’s innate ability to reintroduce you to people you haven’t seen in years, forgot existed, and look fabulous at the same time. Think of it as a Jewish ten-year reunion stocked with cocktails and couture. So when the lines get blurred between a little naughty and oh-so-nice, remember, what happens on Sunset always stays there!


At a Cross Roads

by GemsFromJen under JBloggers,Relationships

Dear Gems from Jen,

I have been with my male partner for 16 years now. We have children together and we love each other deeply. I’ve always been attracted to women, though, but have suppressed those feelings for years. Recently, these feelings bubbled up to the surface when I fell for my female friend. I never told her about my crush and I am not in complete shock about my feelings. What should I do? My partner knows about my feelings and is allowing me to explore them further. But I just do not know where to begin!

Dear At A Cross Roads,

You are very lucky to have such an understanding partner. My first suggestion is to consider whatever decision you make very carefully.  Your male partner is accepting of these feelings now; however, once you allow these feelings to completely come to the surface your partner may not be so understanding. Are you willing to walk away from him? Bringing a third party into the relationship will most certainly change the dynamic between the two of you. What happens if you fall in love with your female friend? What happens if your partner is no longer so accepting? What happens if your female friend does not reciprocate these feelings? What happens if your female friend does reciprocate your feelings? What will happen with your children? These are just some of the questions you might consider asking yourself before you go and explore what it is you are feeling. This is where you begin. I do believe we need to be true to ourselves, but there are serious considerations before you go and discover your truth. Somehow, someway, suppressed feelings will inevitably re-surface. You are now learning this lesson.

Signed,

Gems from Jen

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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2009-12-11

by JDateAdministrator under JDate
  • That's funny! RT @Pacorazzi Best J-Date quote of the night. "Okay, she's not Jewish, but she's Jew-ish." #fb #
  • That's funny! RT @Pacorazzi Best J-Date quote of the night. "Okay, she's not Jewish, but she's Jew-ish." #fb #
  • Thx for the tips! RT @HillelMontreal Attention JDate users RT @mashable 5 Tips for Building Lasting Online Friendships http://bit.ly/5uvwnp #

Patterns

by GemsFromJen under JBloggers,JDate,Relationships

I spent the better part of my week writing a curriculum for a group of women whom are experiencing relationship troubles. I came across a relationship history chart that I had completely forgotten about.  This chart has always been useful in helping people see their relationship patterns. I thought I would share it with the JDaters out there who are looking to possibly break some patterns while creating healthier relationships. The first task is to write down the names of the last few people you were in a relationship with. Next, write the amount of time the relationships lasted next to each name. Be sure to include the characteristics of each relationship. For example, you can use descriptive words such as, healthy, dysfunctional, fun, boring, etc.  You can put as many characteristics as you wish next to each name. After the characteristics write how you felt in the relationship and what your role in each relationship was. For instance, I felt protected and my role was the attentive girlfriend. Lastly, include the rewards of each relationship and the consequences of each relationship.

Once you have completed these tasks read each section over carefully.  Circle the traits that come up more than once. Decide if you like these specific traits. If you are not thrilled with them here is your launching pad. I know it can be easier said than done, but make the decision not to include those components that you don’t like in your next relationship. Not only does this exercise help you to become a better partner and break unwanted patterns in a relationship it also gives your new partner the best of who you truly are!

Signed,
Gems from Jen

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Bon Appetit!

by SweetLo under Date Night,JBloggers

I’d like to talk about the resurgence of a dating trend that’s most likely been on hiatus since your high school days: the group date. I recently went on one, and let me tell you, it was beyond fun. The thing about the group date is that a populated dinner table allows for minimal awkward silences. In addition, you get to see how said date interacts with other people, and then how he interacts with you. Some might call this a test; I call it research. So the next time you’re working up to a little one-on-one sexperience with your current crush, remember that taking it slow à la your high school days isn’t such a terrible idea. Besides, the cross table yelling allows for a lot of laughter, like a drunken game of telephone complete with an end of the night kiss, or any other type of flirtatious embrace. Bon Appetit!

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Age Range

by GemsFromJen under JBloggers,JDate,Online Dating

Dear Gems from Jen,

How should I feel at 46 years and eight months, searching for the right woman on JDate? What age range, in your opinion, do you believe I should aim for?

Dear Age Range,

An interesting question…Let me begin by asking you a question; how do you feel being age 46 and eight months? Searching for the right woman does not necessarily have age parameters. It is all about what it is you would like in a partner. Compatibility is what tends to make a relationship. Are you going to be compatible for years to come with a 21-year-old or a 63-year-old? My best guess is probably no. I usually suggest people look for partners who can relate to general childhood memories. If your partner played with Tickle Me Elmo during her childhood, my sense is she is too young for you. Now, don’t be misunderstood, there are always exceptions to rules; however, being able to relate to one another is very important. Aim for what you are comfortable with. Chose someone that you can envision growing old with. It may begin with passion and chemistry, but at the end of a long day it is truly about a best friend and someone who will be there for you no matter the circumstance.

Signed,
Gems from Jen


Happy Hunting

by SweetLo under JBloggers,Single Life

So, there comes a point when you look at your phone contacts and the address book no longer holds names, it holds the establishments of just where in the world exactly it is that you’ve met this Prince Charming of the moment. That girls, is when you delete like half of your little black book concealed cleverly on your blackberry and opt to start fresh, say, with a night out on Sunset with your faves. This excursion is always nothing short of entertaining, and considering the characters one is likely to encounter on the strip, it’s always a trick, and a treat. So after hiking from one end to the other, which is nothing short of miraculous in heels, might I add, four fabulous girls find themselves at Saddle Ranch. I apparently did not get the memo that since I had last been they’ve revamped the classy establishment into frat pack headquarters. So since these dudes are a dime a dozen, it’s safe to say anything goes. Anything includes this darling opening line I came up with: “So, you look like my ex’s little brother – do you have a brother?” Surprisingly, or considering where I was – perhaps not so – this charming little conversation sparker ignited an entire conversation of witty banter I couldn’t see coming if it was graffiti’d in front of my face. So, aside from the predictable exchange of info on the blackberry, it was nothing short of an entertaining night. Plus, a girl always needs to find new recruits before it’s been so long she needs to Wikipedia her way through a kiss, starting with GPS instructions to his lips. Happy hunting.