Long Distance Lothario

by Tamar Caspi under JBloggers,JDate,Online Dating

Dear Tamar,

I started chatting on JDate with a guy in another country back in March, then via email and now consistently twice a week on skype (with camera).  In between  skyping we email short messages, but nothing is flirty. We talk about the moon, the stars and everything under the sun, but nothing about us. He never says I like you or I am attracted to you and never gets into emotional discussions about ‘us’. I find him emotionally detached. Is he? I really like him. When I have tried to hint a ‘how do you feel’, he says ‘I am interested otherwise I wouldn’t communicate with you’. He has told me he would like to come visit, probably in September.  Where do I actually stand with him?  I really like him.

Dear Long Distance Lothario,

First, let me say September is a long way off. The problem with spending so much time getting to know someone you’ve never met who also happens to live halfway around the world is that you don’t really know who they are or if you will be a match once you do (if ever) meet. Second, the lack of emotional connection could be one of two things. Either he’s just bored and passing time at your expense, or he’s a really great guy and is getting to know you on a deeper level than just talking about sex. As women, we’re not totally used to this, but think about it… why should he talk about a relationship with someone he’s never met?

I don’t think there’s any harm in keeping in touch, but I wouldn’t stop meeting other people on JDate in the meantime. There are a number of reasons for this: it will keep you from putting all your eggs in one basket; it will make the time between now and the visit fly by faster; and if he never visits then you didn’t totally waste your time.