Rebound Relationship

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships,Single Life

Dear Tamar,

I just started dating this girl that got out of a 9 year relationship a few months ago. We’ve been texting all day, talking all night, have gone out 4 times in 2 weeks and things have proceeded pretty quickly. She seemed to really like me a lot but then after our last date she sent a text saying kissing another person was new to her and she needed to get used to it, but really enjoyed it. After that she cancelled our plans and hasn’t returned my calls. Is this common for someone getting out of a long term relationship? Should I give her some space or try harder? What’s the best advice you have of getting her back into the groove of how we were until she freaked out? Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Dear Rebound Relationship,

It sounds like your girl is, as you said, freaking out. She hasn’t been single in a very long time and moved a little too fast with you because she’s forgotten how to date. She may also be feeling lonely because she hasn’t actually been alone in a very long time. Less than 3 months recovery time after 9 years isn’t nearly enough time to really get over such a long relationship and it’s normal for her to back off after getting too close too soon. Chances are, she’s far from ready to enter a new relationship. I suggest taking a proactive role: send her an email letting her know that you understand she needs her time and space and that you’ll be there when she’s ready. This could and should take a minimum of a few more months. In the meantime, you need to start dating other people and if you’re still available when she’s ready, then great! Sorry if this isn’t the answer you were hoping for, but if you force the situation with her right now you will only scare her away. Good luck!