JDate Stalker

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Online Dating,Relationships,Single Life

Dear Tamar,

Hi!  Ok, so I’ve been on and off of JDate for a few years now, and I currently find myself in a situation that I have never been faced with before. I met a guy on here and we totally hit it off.  We’re in no way even close to being in a committed relationship, but we emailed for months (he was traveling), and had instant chemistry when we first met.  He seems like a really genuine guy, and not at all a serial dater (which I’ve turned into, and don’t want to be anymore).  Anyway, I can’t help but to sign on every few days and see if he’s signed on!  It’s driving me crazy.  I can see when he’s viewing me, so he’s not just signing on to do that…so it’s safe to say he’s interested in what’s out there. Any advice for me? I know I should stop checking, but that’s too easy!

Dear JDate Stalker,

Hello and welcome to the club. Anyone who has ever been on JDate has at one point or another turned into a cyber stalker. The first step is admitting it — which you’ve basically done by writing me. Now for the intervention…First of all, and be honest with yourself, can you truthfully say that in all the times you logged on to check if he was logging on that you didn’t also check who was new, who viewed you and who your matches were? Sure you did! It’s a natural impulse! Second, you yourself said that you are nowhere near a committed relationship, so there’s no reason why he shouldn’t be on JDate, right? It obviously sounds like you want to take the relationship to that level, so why not introduce “the talk?” You’ve been communicating for many months already and if he is as you say — not a serial dater — and the chemistry is mutual — then the conversation should go your way. I know it’s easier said than done to just tell you to stop logging on and stop stalking him, so instead I say take the bull by its horns and steer this relationship in the direction you want it to go. Good Luck!