The Children Choice

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Online Dating,Relationships,Single Life

Dear Tamar,

I met a man in February and we clicked immediately. He actively pursued me, but we were not officially exclusive, although neither of us were dating anyone else. I noticed that on his profile he stated that he wanted children (he’s 50 years old). I already have kids and don’t want any more so I told him I’m the wrong person to be with if he still wants kids. His response? He doesn’t want to give up on the chance. So I told him that if he wants to meet a woman who would bear him children that is fine, but that we can’t see each other anymore. It was a month before we saw each other again and we’re now both confused. He says he’s been dumb because he really likes me but still feels he might want kids. By the way, this man is very successful, he’s never been married and his longest relationship was a year. I think I should walk away, but I also think we have something special. He agrees, but he still might want kids! What should I do?

Dear Children Choice,

Wow, this is a toughie at first glance, but I think I can simplify it for you. You have children, you don’t want to have any more children, you need to find someone who also doesn’t want any more children. He doesn’t have children, he may want children, so he needs to find someone who may also want children. It’s actually a black and white situation. If he’s not comfortable and willing to give up on the idea of children, then you need to give up on the idea of him and move on. In his JDate profile, you admit he checked “Yes” regarding “Do You Plan On Having Children?”  so you can’t say you weren’t forewarned.  You may have chemistry and great conversation, but this is a huge life decision he needs to make on his own. You wouldn’t want to marry this man just to have him approach you in five years and tell you that he has this empty space in his heart that only a biological child can fill. Better to find out now. Also, his relationship history concerns me. I’m sure he has worked really hard to become successful, but to be 50 years old and to not have had a relationship last longer than a year is suspect. You saw the signals, I’m hanging the red flags from them and telling you what you already knew but needed to hear from someone else — forget about this guy and find someone who’s a better fit for you. Just make sure they check “No” in the children column. Good Luck!