Ex or Next?

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Online Dating,Relationships

Dear Tamar,

My former girlfriend is now on JDate, only three weeks after our breakup.  I still have feelings for her.  I have not put up my pic yet as I feel insecure about her seeing me on JDate.  I would like to contact her, but feel it is not appropriate as she is obviously seeking new men.  She will see me when my pic is put up. How do I handle this situation?

Dear Ex or Next?,

I don’t think JDate is the right forum in which to let your very recent ex-girlfriend know you still have feelings for her; that’s something that should be done in person or on the phone, not via a JDate email. If she had been an ex from long ago, I would say go for it as I think that’s romantic. But, since you just broke up, a different medium should be used. If you’re not ready to date then you should refrain from posting your pictures until you are emotionally available, otherwise it will be a waste of your time and the prospective date’s. Obviously, since you saw your ex’s profile is active, you know that she is trying to move on — even if she’s not ready, she’s trying to put herself out there and see what her options are. I recommend that to a lot of people as part of the breaking up and moving on process. On the flip side, you could post your photos, knowing she will see them and hope that any feelings she has for you will surface. But, hey, that’s playing games, both with her and your own heart and mind. Once the sting of knowing that your ex is ready to move on wears off then hopefully you’ll start being ready to, too. Good luck!