What Can I Do Better?

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Online Dating,Relationships

Dear Tamar,

I have read the advice and followed all the recommendations (lots of pictures, upbeat, friendly, personal, identifying common interests, etc.), but have had limited activity.  If I could have a dime for every man that I have contacted who says, “thanks for your interest, but I have recently begun a serious relationship,” I’d be wealthy. I also find these same men trolling on JDate the next day and many days after. The second most common response is to just not answer. What can I do better?

Dear What Can I Do Better?

There are always things we can improve upon, but I commend you for making such a good effort. So listen — the guys who are telling you they’ve recently begun a serious relationship are trying to let you down easy. Give them credit for at least responding and not just ignoring you or replying with something rude. Girls do it too. I know I have before. On the same hand, not all the guys who don’t respond are rejecting you, they may just not have a paid membership and can’t check their email inbox. I suggest a profile makeover for starters, utilizing an honest male friend to help you edit. Narrow down the number of photos you use to just a few great ones and make sure your paragraphs are short but sweet, and not too revealing.  I would also recommend you scaling back a little — make sure the guys are viewing you and you’re viewing them, Hot List them, see if you Click! and Flirt. If you decide to initiate email contact (hopefully you’ll receive so many emails you won’t need to send one yourself…but just in case), make sure you’re not coming on too strong or exposing too much about yourself. Simply list what got your attention, something(s) you have in common and then let them know how to contact you if they are interested. Finally, don’t mention the negative experiences you’ve had on JDate at least until the 2nd date. Good luck!