What NOT to Say

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,JDate,Relationships

Julie* recently went on a JDate with Brian, a good looking lawyer who recently moved to town. Unfortunately, the report was not good. Yes, Brian was handsome and smart, but no, he’s not an avid conversationalist. This guy didn’t know the meaning of biting his tongue or having restraint — he was an open book but Julie had barely read the back cover. The more he told Julie about himself, the less interested she became.

Brian proceeded to tell Julie all about his entire life over the course of one drink and one hour: his father’s six ex-wives; the medicines Brian takes for OCD and ADHD; his dyslexia; his skin rashes; his likes and dislikes; and finally – the kicker – his ex-girlfriend. None of the items are particularly funny when heard separately, but when taken altogether it was a dark comedy that had come to life.

Maybe Brian was trying to put all his cards on the table and let Julie know exactly what she’s getting into, but his technique needs some major help. Of the above list, the only topic that should be discussed during a first date is your likes and dislikes. JDate makes you feel like you know someone better than you really do before you even meet, but remember that the person sitting across from you is still a stranger. The prescriptions in your medicine cabinet are not something you would discuss with the person sitting next to you in the doctor’s waiting room, so why share it with a girl you’re trying to impress?

One of the reasons I suggest meeting your JDate matches right away is because you need to maintain some semblance of normalcy when it comes to conversation. You have the topics right in front of you when you look at their profiles, so use it to your advantage and keep to the typical first date conversation topics within those guidelines: why did you choose to go to [college]? Where did you grow up? How did you get started in your career? Stick to the basics and censor yourself before divulging information that is, to put it bluntly, none of your date’s business right now. On the first few dates, regale your date with funny, positive and interesting stories about yourself and leave the deeper, sad and bewildering stories for later on in the relationship. Hopefully you will be charming enough with the former to leave plenty of time for the latter.

*all names have been changed