Last night, I realized that I smile too much, and the result can be very creepy. My default facial expression has always been a smile. I guess that it’s a defense mechanism so that my face doesn’t reflect what is actually going on inside me. Wouldn’t you rather see a wonderful smile than a head looking down, crying and drooling? I sure would. Smiles are great and wonderful and make you look like a carefree person.
So anyway, last night, I was hanging out with people I didn’t really know. One of the girls was cute, so I was looking at her. Not in a creepy way, just casually glancing at her whenever I could. But one time, during a transitory glance, I caught her eye. So I flashed the biggest, dumbest smile imaginable. She smiled back. But then, something terrible happened. I never looked away. I just stared while smiling at her for a good ten seconds. Since she didn’t know what to do, she continued looking at me. After a few of these sessions, she asked, “I gotta be straight up, why are you staring at me and smiling?” I didn’t have an answer and felt super creepy. ”Because this beer is great and your teeth are so white,” is pretty much how I responded to that. Perfect comeback, right? She didn’t really talk to me much after that. Well at least until after we all had a few more drinks. I think after you reach a certain point of inebriation, staring and smiling at girls becomes far more acceptable because that’s what they expect.
But smiling always works in television and movies. If an attractive man sees a girl from across a restaurant, all he has to do is smile, and bam! They’re in bed together. The male usually does not have to actually say anything to get a girl into bed. The rules for men in movies have always been the same, and they are universal:
1.) Wear a Polo shirt.
2.) Smile at anyone
3.) Be in bed with them.
The rules in real life are often different.
1.) Wear anything but a Polo shirt.
2.) Don’t stare at anybody, and if you do, don’t creepily smile.
3.) Do not approach subject, as they are unpredictable and often angry. Instead, wait for the off-chance that she approaches you, which, in reality, will never happen.
4.) Lie in bed alone.