Casually Dating or More?

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Dear Tamar,

I’ve been dating this guy for a few weeks now…I would say that it’s “pretty casual” considering we usually see one another 1-2 times a week (it’s a little bit difficult for me to go out more than that as I am a single mom and have sole custody of my child). We communicate every day, either by text (which I’m really not crazy about!), or by brief phone calls (which usually last 10-30 minutes, max). The guy seems to like me…is always complementing me, flattering me, etc. (although it usually has to do with my appearance), but the “relationship” doesn’t really feel like it’s progressing. Sometimes, after an especially romantic date, the guy won’t call me until about 10 p.m. the next night. He’s a very good looking, confident, and charming guy…a real “catch” (on paper!). I’m trying not to let this situation get the best of me, but I’m starting to feel taken for granted and insecure here. Although I’m presently “dating” in general, it’s not my style to “juggle” men (I just got out of a long-term relationship)… and, in spite of myself, I’m starting to find myself developing strong feelings for this guy, although my better judgment tells me to proceed with caution! What do you think? How should I handle this situation? This guy even told me (voluntarily, without being prompted) that he is not seeing anyone else and that he’s even considering closing his JDate account. Is this guy “just not that into me” considering he’s not pursuing me that actively?

Dear Casually Dating or More?,

It sounds to me like you’re trying to find problems where there aren’t any! This thus-far casual relationship seems much more serious to me via your letter than you seem able to see yourself. You’re seeing each other about twice a week — great! He compliments you — fantastic! He calls you regularly and texts as well — super! He voluntarily told you he isn’t seeing anyone else and is thinking of closing his JDate account — phenomenal! And yet you think he’s not pursuing you that actively? What more can he do? I bet if you told him what you needed he would do so because I think he really likes you! So what’s the problem here? To be frank, I think it’s your insecurity that things may be progressing faster than you imagined, or that you will give more of yourself only to be rejected. I know you just got out of a long-term relationship, but that doesn’t mean the next guy couldn’t possibly be your Beshert. If you’re enjoying dating freely and are not ready for commitment then let him know you’re not ready to get serious so quickly. But be warned — you risk losing a great guy who most definitely IS into you!