Match Me Up

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Dear Tamar,

I used to receive “matches” in my inbox but I canceled the feature because I have never, ever gotten a single response from any of the matches sent to me. I actually have stopped sending messages to men and instead just respond to messages sent to me. Why don’t men answer?

Dear Match Me Up,

The matches JDate sends are merely recommendations made by a computer based on certain commonalities. In theory, it could work to create a shidduch, but you need to put in the work yourself to find the men whom you think would be a good match. It sounds like you’ve done that and are still not having much luck and are getting frustrated. Take a deep breath. We’ve all gone through this, men and women alike!

As a woman myself, I also used to only respond to men’s emails because I was trying to think of it as getting picked up on in a bar. Every once in a while I would send an email to a guy who really caught my eye, just as I would make the first move on a guy in person (i.e. my now-husband) when I simply couldn’t help it. I don’t think this is a bad way to JDate but you still need to be active via signing on every day, unblocking your views, sending Flirts, widening your preferences and using the Click!® feature. And when a guy really catches your eye and you can’t stop wondering about him, then take the initiative and send him an email.

Finally, have a brutally honest friend review and edit some of your past emails (or even send them my way if you don’t mind me using them as examples). You may not realize how you’re coming across in an email and a simple tweak could mean a huge difference!