When people are actively dating they get used to the idea of self-promoting – talking about themselves at such a length that was previously uncomfortable and unacceptable all in an effort to sell themselves. But there is a line that shouldn’t be crossed when it comes to being too self-involved… namely, when you forget to ask about the other person and actually begin to enjoy hearing yourself talk about yourself. Don’t give up when you find yourself faced with the Self Involved Syndrome because it’s pretty common and not always indicative of the person. Many people get jaded by the online aspect of JDating®, the picking and posting of photos of yourself, writing about yourself and making yourself seem bigger and better than you may actually be. It can be daunting to make good on all your promises (even when they’re true) by finally meeting each other in person. When someone you’re communicating with on JDate seems self-involved, don’t misconstrue it as disinterest. Instead, try to steer the conversation towards banter and making plans. Try to get offline and in person as soon as possible.
Do a self-check to make sure you’re not the one being overly self-involved. Before you send an email, read it back and calculate the ratio of sentences about you and sentences asking about the other person. It should be equal, 50/50. Of course, respond to questions asked of you or comment on something the other person said to create a tête-à-tête – just remember to toss it back and lead the conversation forward. You can use this self-check in person when you’re on a date, too. Ask questions but don’t make it seem too forced. Instead, really show interest in the answer and prove you’re listening to the answer by commenting or asking a follow-up question. Talk about yourself but not for too long before turning the table back over. Find subjects you have in common to talk about but also be open to learning about something new – such as your date.