Trying to Figure it All Out

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Dear Tamar,

I just want to meet a guy I can hit it off with. Is that so difficult?

1) How can I judge if they only want sex?
2) How can I know that they are honest?
3) How do I know they don’t have psychological issues?

Dear Trying to Figure it All Out,

Unfortunately you won’t know if a guy only wants sex, is honest or is sane until you’ve been on at least one date but there may be signs along the way that you should look out for including: Is the guy only commenting about your physical attributes? Is the guy actually listening to what you’re saying and having a back-and-forth conversation? Is the guy sharing personal items with you? Is the guy only talking about himself? Is the guy having trouble looking you in the eye? Is the guy too touchy-feely or too in your face? Some of these questions you can ask yourself while reading email correspondence, IMs and on the phone but some you may need to answer in person. You will waste many nights on bad dates, so will men, but your Beshert will come along. It’s the digging through all the dirt until you find that diamond that makes it all the more worth it. You should learn about yourself and about what really matters to you in a mate along the way, so don’t think it’s not worth it. One last thing — don’t spend the conversation trying to read between the lines seeing if the guy is a player, is lying or is crazy because then you’re the one who’s not being an active participant in the date. Once you’re radar is honed in, you should be able to tell a bad seed from the good ones.