New year new start right? Wrong. Same old dating disaster stories that honestly give the famed four females from Manhattan a run for their money. So in an effort to meet new people, I agree to go out with this guy who would totally be my type (if I really had one) preppy, motivated, loves classic rock, should have just gone ahead and wrote future Mr. SweetLo. This of course was my train of thought before “the incident,” as I like to refer to it. Now most girls’ dating horror stories consist of skirt in underwear, spilling cocktail on white couture, tripping and falling in front of the mass population of Los Scandalous. But me? No, I like to be different! So we go to this place where fried food and arcade games circa 1980 came a dime a dozen. In a post food, post-drink haze of flirtation, we decided to compete in a little rousing round of air hockey. Well my train of thought was still on track until I successfully blocked the little dangerous disc, sent it back his way, with a trail of blood across the table. Now, my train of thought had officially gone off track and crashed. There were no survivors. Now leave it to me to turn West Hollywood into a South Central-style murder scene. All I needed was to be wearing either red or blue and my gang affiliation wouldn’t be questioned due to my bloody street cred. So while I was in questioning (from former Mr. Perfect) as to how I managed to sever my hand on a plastic disc, I told him I was just talented. Well, twenty-ten is officially off to one hell of a start. Can’t wait for my next misadventure on the search for mister right….now.
Archive for January, 2010
Dear Gems from Jen,
I was chatting with a guy online for at least a couple of hours the other night, and we decided to meet up the next night. The next evening we spoke about where we were going to meet. After his shower he called back only to say he had to cancel due to a family dinner. I said that was fine, things like this happen. I was just slightly disappointed, but definitely wanted to see him another time. He called back three minutes later and said he could get out of the dinner if I still wanted to go out, I felt bad and guilty at that point so I said not to worry about it. Then I get this long text explaining the situation, which I already understood. The next morning I found I had been de-friended by him on Facebook. Why go through all of the effort? Did my not wanting to go out after he said he could cancel, deter him? I mean he had to have known I was going to be upset that he was canceling, right? I’m confused. Did I give off the wrong vibe after the cancellation? Should I call or text him to see what was up? Could he just not be interested, even after all of the effort?
Dear Cancelled Date,
It sounds to me as if he is confused, not you. He made a date with you, cancelled the date, tried to get the date going again, texted you to further explain his situation, and then de-friended you on Facebook. I believe you were reasonable, especially after he cancelled the date, only to reschedule it three minutes later. I’m not sure why you would even question if he was interested. It sounds as if you need to become disinterested in this guy. He would in all probability make you nuts. Can you imagine what it would be like a few months down the line if he treated you in this manner before your first date? My suggestion would be to not have any further contact with him, don’t call him, text, write, friend request, etc. There are so many great guys on JDate waiting for someone like you; understanding and patient. Make time for these guys and forget about the ones that keep you on the roller coaster!
Gems from Jen
- http://twitpic.com/wdq9n – Happy 2010 from all of us at JDate! #
- Is your New Year's resolution to find love in 2010? "The One" could be waiting for you on JDate. Join to start meeting nice Jewish singles! #
- Check out some new photos of our JBabies! Mazel tov to the Arons and Jaffes on their bundles of joy! http://www.jdate.com/jmag/alumni-news/ #
- Spark.com Thinks BeautifulPeople.com Acted Ugly http://bit.ly/6HOLSO (RT @JayODatingNow @Online_Love @readyandsingle @Over50DatingGuy) #
- Spark.com Offers 5,000 Ousted "Fatties" from BeautifulPeople.com a Free 1-Month Subscription! http://bit.ly/6HOLSO #
- Success Story of the Week: Matt & Eric have a "Bromance" thx to JDate! http://www.jdate.com/jmag/2010/01/matt-and-eric/ #
New resolutions abound and generally for singletons this involves a renewed focus on fitness routines and their love lives. Personally, I’m not a big fan of New Year’s resolutions. It is never a bad idea to reflect and make changes but shouldn’t these changes occur at the moment of recognition as opposed to Jan 1st? Though, Harry (Billy Crystal) in When Harry Met Sally made his proclamation on New Year’s Eve, his words of honest vulnerability is heart melting. “I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” I digress, I guess the point being is that rather than waiting for serendipity to happen the real power is to make the “choice” to make it happen whether on January 1st or any other time. “Choose” to play relationships out and see what develops rather than going on the continuous merry-go-round of dating. In any case, come January 1st, gyms are a lot fuller now with a lot of folks on the scene hoping to meet their lobster. Here’s hoping that you build those buns of steel and, as for the merry-go-round of dating, you get off that ride as soon as possible.
Happy Resolutions and New Year to all MOTs.
Dear Gems from Jen,
I just don’t understand why I don’t get many viewings of my profile. I have recent, cute pictures, and what I think is a well-written profile, but I don’t seem to get a lot of activity. What’s the typical number of views I should be expecting?
Dear Profile Counting,
There really isn’t a typical number associated with profile views. Everyone’s experience on JDate is different. Focusing on numbers will only serve to take the focus away from your true purpose; meeting great people on JDate! Instead of looking at the numbers your profile is generating, look at the quality of the people your profile is attracting. Take some time to look at profiles rather than waiting for the views, Flirts, and messages to come to you. Take your dating life into your own hands and reach out to those people on JDate whom you find interesting.
Gems from Jen
..blared from the Hurricane Disco as we danced around like inebriated teens having a great night. After five nights of JDate’s Bahamas trip, I am officially now detoxing. A week of fun, sun, tennis and new and old friends was exactly what the doctor ordered. A shout out to the Brits and Philly boyz who kept us amused and in stitches, and a special shout out to Charlie’s Angels who made the week so much fun…it wouldn’t have been the same without you guys.
So what’s next when you are no longer in the “resort no-worries” mentality with the new-found connections? First, a lot of friending on Facebook and then comes Monday when we all go back to the daily grind and get caught up in life’s routines. On this trip I met some incredible friends and I also have witnessed the beginning of several romances (T and M keep me posted, my fingers are crossed). It’s all about next steps as we dive into 2010. Happy New Year!
So last week, post-Schmooz-A-Palooza®, this princess boarded THE Princess and sailed off to visit the Mexican Riviera. The ship was absolutely filled with young quarter-life crisis kids and the most outgoing of us (which was thankfully the majority) clicked right from the start, making this the perfect young maiden’s voyage. Ringing in twenty-ten with three thousand of my closest strangers was a surprising blast, and although the New Year’s kiss usually has girls feeling more than single and guys dealing with the whole “I don’t want to give her the wrong relationship idea” thing, this was just one giant ALL-night party that left those hypnotized by various intoxicants free to either (dis) or engage in a little NYE lip-locking. The entire ship, no matter what age, seemed to party sans drama ‘til twenty-ten’s first dawn. The entire experience was by far one of my fave trips, and it completely had me craving another cruise sooner rather than later. Though most people consider an out-of-the-country fling a temporary one, the last time I met someone on a cruise, we ended up dating on and off for two years. Mind you we didn’t kiss and tell during the weeklong vacay, we waited until we were safely back on So-Cal soil to sexperiment. All and all the trip down the Pacific Coast was sinsational, if that’s how this year started, I can’t wait to see what else it brings. Something wonderfully wicked this way comes.
Dear Gems from Jen,
My 10-year-old is autistic. He requires someone who has patience and understanding. Even if someone likes my profile, they’re likely to bolt after learning about my special needs child. Also, tending to my son’s needs leaves me with very little free time for dating.
Dear Special Needs Parent,
It takes a very special person to raise an autistic child. Your job is challenging yet incredibly rewarding. It also takes a very special person to know when to take some personal time, which is just as important. Content parents tend to have happy, fulfilled children. My suggestion is to be honest in your profile. Be sure to include your child as part of what you have to offer as a potential partner. Let the reader know how important your child is and what kind of attention he requires. Your child and you are a package deal. Anyone who cannot understand that is definitely not worth getting to know. There are JDaters® out there who are patient, understanding and willing to stick around.
Gems from Jen
- Stay tuned for JDate's Best of 2009 Success Story Tweets, the first of which will appear momentarily… #
- Best Wedding Photo – Carly & Evan got married on 10/11/09, making them the 3rd Success Story in their families – http://tinyurl.com/y88tx7l #
- The Best of 2009 Success Stories: Tastiest Proposal (Sara and Corey) – http://www.jdate.com/jmag/2009/11/sara-and-corey #
- Best of 2009 Success Stories: Most Well-Traveled Couple (Stefanie and Ethan) – http://www.jdate.com/jmag/2009/12/stefanie-and-ethan/ #
- Best of 2009 Success Stories: Best Use of Do We Click? (Frani and Raul) – http://www.jdate.com/jmag/2009/12/frani-and-raul/ #
- And, the 2009 JCademy Award goes to…Adam and Nell. What a terrific story. Thanks for sharing it w/ all of us – http://tinyurl.com/bo43k4 #
How many times has this happened to you? You are on a date and all of a sudden the conversation dies and there is a prolonged silence. Even to us chatters it happens. Is there anything wrong with the silence? I know as a therapist I relish the silence. I believe my clients minds are at work and the anxiety that the silence provokes helps me to see with my own two eyes what defenses take over when their anxiety levels raise. How does this apply to dating? In my own experience whenever there are those inevitable moments of silence I use it to my advantage. I take those moments to really look at my date. What is his body language telling me? Does he become more anxious? Does he try to fill the void? Does he make jokes, talk about himself, or ask me questions? Can he sit with the silence? All of these behaviors give me clues into what he is thinking during the date. I also take into account what is happening with me. Am I trying to end the silence? Am I twirling my hair? Am I making lame jokes? Am I comfortable with the silence?
All of these behaviors can give you clues. Keep in mind these are all generalities and one behavior does not necessarily mean it is true for everyone who behaves in that particular manner. If the silence appears comfortable it is a good sign that you and your date feel at ease. If one party is trying to fill the void it can mean the person is not as confident as they might have appeared to be. Jokes and small talk tend to tell me the person is interested, but nervous about where he stands in my eyes. When I twirl my hair I usually don’t feel at ease and there is inevitably something making me feel uncomfortable. Next time you find yourself sitting in silence use the opportunity to read the situation to get an idea of where you and your date both stand.