Archive for February, 2010

First Date; Cold Feet?

by GemsFromJen under JBloggers,JDate,Online Dating

Dear Gems from Jen,

I met a guy online and we have been corresponding through Instant Messenger, Email, phone calls and texting for about the past month.  We still have yet to meet each other in person, which seems a little odd to me.  We do have different work schedules, so it is hard to figure out when we can get together, but I of course suggested that we meet for coffee sometime and that way we can at least meet for a little bit. However, he says that he really wants us to meet for a half day, so that we can spend a lot of time together.  I don’t quite get it. I would think that if he really wanted to meet me, a little time is better than none.  I’m not sure if I should bother communicating with this guy any longer. What do you think?

Dear First Date,

I agree with you, it does seem a little odd. It sounds as if the two of you have both agreed to meet and for some reason unknown to us, he is not willing to even meet for a quick cup of coffee. I’m not so sure there is anything else you can do at this point. He either wants to meet or he doesn’t. Do yourself a favor and keep your profile active on JDate.  Continue to look at profiles and correspond with those that spark your interest.  Don’t wait around for a guy that is unwilling to commit to a first meeting.

Signed,

Gems from Jen


Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-02-26

by JDateAdministrator under JDate

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-02-26

by JDateAdministrator under JDate

How far would you go?

by SWEETADVENTURE8 under JBloggers,Relationships

How far would you go to potentially meet the “One”?  Would you drive seven hours for a date? For many New Yorkers, an Eastside/Westside; Uptown/Downtown courtship is considered “GU” –Geographically Undesirable.  For me, I’ve come to recognize that having money and a successful career is not what will ultimately fulfill me. So yes, although it’s a pain and more of a challenge, I would travel and fly (and have done so) for the potential “One.” Besides, distance is a temporary situation that can be rectified in the near future and just think of all the frequent flyer miles you can collect in the interim. You just never know where your Bashert may live!


Shyness

by GemsFromJen under JBloggers,JDate,Online Dating

Dear Gems from Jen,

I am a shy person, but break out of my shell once I get to know someone.  What would be your best advice to help me break out of my shell from the beginning?  I am not the best talker.  I’m more of a listener, but it’s hard with online dating because at first it’s more about talking than listening.  What could you recommend that could help me talk more at first?

Thanks,

Brian

Dear Brian,

The nice part about JDate is you don’t have to talk until you are ready. Begin with emails and think about what it is you want to say to the person you are interested in getting to know better. Writing allows us to take our time and we don’t have to think on our feet.  It is a great way to get to know someone and allow others to get to know us without having to be too outgoing. Spend some time emailing before you make the decision to speak on the phone. This way, you will feel more at ease when the time comes to speak.

Signed,

Gems from Jen

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You and Me, LLP. Easy?!?

by SWEETADVENTURE8 under JBloggers,Relationships,Single Life

Often I hear such cliché statements. You’ll meet “The One” when you are least looking for them. I appreciate the concept, but to negate that myth in a New York minute, Romeo has not circumvented my doorman and knocked randomly on my Manhattan apartment.

Secondly, when it is right, it should be easy.  Like forming an LLP (okay, so I’m a lawyer), relationships involve getting to know the players, their distinct personalities, what makes sense, and where compromise is needed.  Sure, in some rare instances Partnerships function smooth as silk but that is the exception rather than the rule.  The mantra “it should be easy” is a misnomer in my mind. Relationships and marriage (involving different opinions on finances, nookie, children and the like) are not easy topics. On top of that, men and women generally process things differently. There is no question that eventually bylaws are a necessary component to assist individuals who merge into a partnership. Bumps in the road, challenges, compromises, fights are all a part of the process. I would contend that your reaction and how you deal with such bumps is the more valid measure of success as opposed to whether the relationship is easy! That and as long as you are smiling a lot more than you are not…seems like a good basis for a solid corporation.

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Communication

by GemsFromJen under Date Night,JBloggers,JDate

Dear Gems from Jen,

I was talking with this girl on JDate about a week ago and we were both excited for meeting up this coming Saturday night.  I have not heard from her since we first talked last week.  What would you recommend doing?  And if there was something that I could have done differently what would you suggest?

Thanks.

Dear Communication,

I know it may seem old fashioned, but a lot of us women like the man to do the calling. It may not be the way things “should” be, but nonetheless, it is the way things are a lot of the time. Go ahead and give her a call.  Finalize the plans, e.g.; where you are going, how you both are getting there, time, and anything else pertinent to the date.  From what you have told me thus far, there does not seem to be anything you could have done differently. Have a good time on the date and I hope things go well for the both of you!

Signed,
Gems from Jen


Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-02-19

by JDateAdministrator under JDate

Relationship Tips Part 3

by GemsFromJen under JBloggers,Relationships

15. Forgiveness: Learn the art of forgiveness. If you don’t learn how to do this, then it is time to move on and find someone else. Without forgiveness a relationship will remain stagnant.
16. Shift: Relationships will shift over time. Communicate regularly to ensure the two of you are still on the same page regarding the relationship.
17. Leaving: Knowing when to end the relationship is an important part of being part of a relationship, and an opportunity for growth. If the two of you have outgrown one another or there is more pain than pleasure it is time to go your separate ways.
18. Moments: Enjoy the small moments. Like the old saying goes, stop and smell the roses. Don’t spend time thinking about the “what-ifs,” it is the present moment that counts.
19. Thankfulness:  Take some time daily to be thankful for the other person. Focus on the positive and realize how wonderful being in a relationship can truly be.
20: Spontaneity: Do something spontaneous with your partner every once in awhile. It helps get both of you out of a routine.
21. Counseling: Seeking outside help does not necessarily mean the relationship is over. It can make a world of difference, save the relationship or at least help each of you to move on without anger.

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Relationship Tips Part 2

by GemsFromJen under JBloggers,Relationships

8. Punishment: Punishing your significant other does not work! It tends to make us feel better for the moment, but it usually makes the other person feel as if he/she is being treated like a child.
9. Money: Money is the biggest complaint I hear about when working with couples. Have an honest conversation; who pays for what and do not make assumptions based on gender.
10. Sex:  Sex tends to go through stages. If you notice your sex life becoming boring, less frequent or a chore, talk about it immediately and be as candid as possible.
11. Cheating: Don’t do it! If you feel the need to stray, there is a problem and it generally has nothing to do with sex. Most people cheat because an emotional connection is missing with their partner. Talk truthfully with your other half and start communicating.
12. Boredom: Boredom usually has more to do with anger than anything else. Figure out what’s really bothering you and let your partner know in a calm, non-threatening manner.
13. Arguing: Never say anything you would not want to hear directed at you. I’m all for a good argument, but remain on point and do not re-hash problems that have already been dealt with.
14. Change: Acceptance of what you cannot change is an extremely important part of a relationship. Trying to change someone rarely works.

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