I read an interesting article the other day that proclaimed Valentine’s Day as the biggest break-up day of the year?!? Huh? Isn’t this the holiday designated to commemorate romance and love. I guess Hollywood, Hallmark and gender differences probably don’t help with the pressures and expectations imposed on this day that often send emotions running.
Some women, hoping for a commitment, are left analyzing what the heck a stuffed penguin signifies in relation to their future. I asked my friend what romantic gesture he did for his live-in girlfriend for Valentine’s Day. When he responded “nothing” my jaw dropped in surprise. And then admittedly, he revealed the bloodiness that transpired as a result of that misstep. Bottom line: assess the strength of your relationship on the other days of the year. Ladies: “in general”, men don’t view this Hallmark-created holiday the same way you do. Cut some slack on this one. Men: TRY to at least do something thoughtful, even small, that you may not normally do. Trust me, it will save you from a dreaded discussion and any necessary band-aids.
So you think you found the person with whom you want to become exclusive. Here is a list of some of the most important things the two of you need to consider in order to keep the relationship functional and healthy. Be sure to stay tuned for more tips!
1. Quality time: Quality time is of the utmost importance. Spend at least some time every day with one another. If you live in different areas have a conversation every day.
2. Compromise: Relationships take work and part of that work is learning to give and take. It is a balancing act.
3. Dependence without co-dependence: Relationships are about depending on one another, but it is not about clingy behavior. Each person must be able to have their own interests and be given some space. If not, most people tend to feel trapped.
4. Listening: Take the time to hear the other person out and really, truly listen.
5. Appreciation: Make every effort to appreciate your partner. It is the little things that go a long way.
6. Quirks: Those things that we fall for early in the relationship can become annoying habits. Take the time to appreciate and love these quirks rather than looking at them as annoyances.
7. Resentments: If something is bothering you by all means tell the other person. Don’t bury those feelings; they will only turn into resentment down the line. Be sure to listen and do not become defensive if your partner communicates his/her feelings.
There are times in life when being single has its advantages. For example, spending as much time as you want with friends, watching what you want to watch on television without any complaints, or eating a Lean Cuisine for dinner and not having to worry about what your other half may want for dinner.
There are also disadvantages. I’m sure many of us tend to think of those more than we do about the advantages. However, there are some self-soothing techniques that can help us all whether we are single or not.
• Go for a walk and enjoy the scenery
• Pet a cute furry animal
• Lie on the couch and do nothing
• Get a massage
• Call a friend
• Listen to music
• Do something for someone less fortunate than yourself
• Peruse JDate and look at all of the wonderful people that await
So it’s been nearly a year since our initial journey through the twisted trysts, loves, and lies started, and I’ve enjoyed divulging every dirty detail to you all. Los Scandalous has been (and I’m grasping for just the “write” word here) educational, if anything. I learned that nine times out of ten the mysterious monsieurs met at various Hollyweird hotspots are here to act. They more often than not (contrary to popular belief) do not end the scene with said script, and their character’s colors are revealed through various dating adventures. I learned that if you’re from some small town you may have manners, but my city will swallow you whole without stopping to digest the situation. I’ve learned that dinner and a movie does not constitute date night. I’ve learned that when you are roped into some mundane movie night (for the umpteenth time) you should make sure to lo-jack your ride, so you can GPS your way back to the getaway vehicle you can all-too-easily lose in the Grove parking structure (not that I’m speaking from experience, of course). I’ve learned that sometimes when you DO happen to bust a blonde moment, it is often an unexpected opportunity to be rescued from the knight, in shining armor.
I’ve learned that more often than not the swift sweetheart is from point blank, Oklahoma and you’re right back where you started. Rockstars, actors, and hipsters are often all the same breed, and you have to try on several styles to see which works for you. (But hey, if the flannel shirt fits…) I’ve learned that the dinkiest of divebars (I’m talking where Converse count as couture) can be the most fun locales for you and your plus one. I’ve learned that your very best girlfriends really will be with you through thick and thin, and even when you change your persona to see just what works for you, they aren’t going to hit it and quit it like a boy (shouldn’t) but might. Think of your gf’s as the Ralph Lauren of people – a classic that never gets old, and is always in style. Flannel shirts might I add, will soon be out faster than a Jersey shore grenade. I’m pretty sure the best pick-up line is being comfortable in your own skin. (Or “How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice. Hi I’m insert name here.” It’s a close call between the two.) Between all the “boyfriends” you’ve followed me over the canyon and through the The Hills with, it’s been one hell of a ride. Granted the ride sometimes moves at the speed of a special olympic hurdler but let’s blame that on the ever-unpredictable L.A. traffic.
I’ve learned that aside from your gf’s, you can ALWAYS rely on finding something at the Fred Segal and Nordstrom’s half yearly sales, and that there will be traffic on the 405 at any time during the day and/or night. I’d say there’s comfort in consistency, but really it’s just two aspirin waiting to happen. I learned that ER M.D.’s do not, in fact, resemble the McCast of Greys. What I have yet to learn is why girls listen to things like He’s Just Not That Into You and regard it as gospel. He’s just not that into you? Cool, kick Jo Shmo to the curb and move on to the next man. Time, ladies, stops for no (wo)man. It’s been an absolute adventure and I await many more to come in the following year as I give my regards to Broadway, Brooklyn, Austin and any other alluringly sweet city that holds the promise of something sin-sational.
Au Revoir dolls & dudes.
under Single Life
With Valentine’s Day fast approaching, the question becomes, “How do we as singles get through the day without letting it get the best of us?” I know for myself, I am going to spend the day with some of my single friends. We are going to have the ultimate girl day. Junk food, shopping and chick flicks.
I think this particular day tends to bring out the all-or-nothing thinking in most people. It is either you have someone special or you don’t. The way one approaches the day can make all of the difference. You can chose to become pessimistic and think about the fact there isn’t a special someone around, or you can think about the good aspects of being single and look towards the future with optimism. Having faith, in my opinion, is a very important way of looking at things. When the time is right that special someone will be there.
Dear Gems from Jen,
I met a great guy two months ago. We communicate a few times every day and have seen each other nearly every week. We were intimate in the beginning, but now he says he wants to slow it down. We make plans and still continue to communicate just like before. We always have a great time together. He says he is being cautious because he has been burned a few times. He is still online, but says he isn’t dating. I don’t know what to believe. I feel like we are in a relationship, but he is just scared.
I can’t figure out what he is telling me because his signals are so mixed.
Dear Slowing Down,
It sounds to me as if his signals are not confused. He told you he wanted to slow down, at least the intimate part and from what I can tell from your writing, it did slow down. Do you mean he still has a profile posted on JDate when you say he is still online? If the two of you have agreed to be exclusive and he still has a profile there is obviously a problem. If exclusivity has not been discussed then there is nothing wrong with him continuing to stay active on JDate.
My suggestion is to really hear what it is he is saying to you, not what it is you want to hear. It sounds like he does like you, but he wants to be cautious. Heed his warning; do not push him into anything he is not ready for. When someone wants to take things slowly there are usually reasons and moving too quickly tends to do more damage than good. It appears as if the two of you have something good here, take your time and don’t over think this. Enjoy his company and don’t rush things.
Gems from Jen
Seemingly, all things north of the border are heading south for the winter, and the Canadians have brought trendy to a whole new level with The Buried Life and certain musical feats that seem “tragically hip,” in the best sense of the word. So with MTV sporting The Buried Life and airwaves sporting something akin to some sort of United Nations of music, it has quarter-life crisis kids from across the universe looking to exploit their individual life’s potential rather than waste away at a nine-to-five. The same sentiment seems to have leaked into the love and lives of Los Scandalous residents everywhere. And rather than wasting time pining over something that seems just far enough out of reach, Don Juans are turning into reformed rakes, trying to rendezvous with just their preferred of the thirty-one flavors instead of trying to taste them all. So, when the sweet situation gets a little too sinfully sticky, instead of jumping ship to the next flavor in the assembly line, boys are trying to clean up their act.
If The Buried Life teaches us anything, it’s that the bucket list is the same for everyone – even for beachy-keen boys from British Columbia. Wouldn’t you rather stay with one sentimental sweetheart in lieu of lusting after a lady that tastes sweet for only the first five bites? That which starts out sweet often turns sour, even before the expected expiration date. Better to have loved and lost than gotten chewed out by some simple flavor of the week.
There’s an expiration date to various music. Songs you can no longer listen to post-partum from some significantly twisted tryst. I am the said survivor of a certain sexperience. I’ve recently found out that the expiration date for said song’s hiatus should not exceed four years. I came to this conclusion when I no longer had to swiftly change stations upon the uninvited airwave appearance in various acoustic forms. That’s the best slash worst part of all music, its ability to DeLorean you back to some significant time without warning. And, as much as this little lyrical lifestyle allows for the resurgence of something entirely blissful, it can just as easily invite the unwanted resurrection of something a little less than holy. So when the City of Angels is suddenly overrun by an unavoidable soundtrack to your life, hurry up and switch stations at supersonic speed, lest your sample CD gets stuck on repeat and you become one of those misguided mademoiselles fervently stating that they just don’t make music like they used to.