Archive for March, 2010

Mirror Mirror on the Wall…

by GemsFromJen under JBloggers,Relationships

After a long day at work I had an interesting call from an old girlfriend. This particular phone call was enlightening to say the least. My old friend has been dealing with some interpersonal relationship issues in almost every area of her life. She had recently met a guy and began a friendship. She swore it was just a friendship, and I do believe she was telling herself this as well. She is an engaged woman and met this guy at work. They seemed to have a lot in common and they were just friends.  However, she did start to develop some feelings towards this guy.

When she called me I knew instantly something was wrong by the tone of her voice. The guy friend admitted he was engaged and told her he was developing feelings for her. He told her that a friendship between the two of them was impossible. She agreed to end the friendship and was incredibly angry and felt betrayed due to his lack of honesty regarding his engagement. She vented to me for about 20 minutes. She cried, was angry and appeared as if she had been scorned. I asked her if she shared with him that she too had a fiancé. To my surprise, she had not shared this info with her now ex-guy friend.

After discussing the matter with her, she came to the conclusion that perhaps she was so upset because she had not been honest with him and she knew it all along. She saw in him in what she dislikes in herself. It was as if she was looking in a mirror. A mirror tends to give an accurate reflection. My suggestion is to always look at qualities in another person that you don’t like.  See if those qualities apply to you. If they do, change might be necessary.


Vagazzle? Seriously???

by SWEETADVENTURE8 under Relationships

Sunday evening my posse and I were celebrating with margaritas in hand at La Esquina, a speak easy uber trendy NYC restaurant. Giddy with consumption, wild conversation topics were being exchanged …and then the mention of Vagazzle.  Say what??  Apparently, Jennifer Love Hewitt popularized the trend? After she encountered a bad break-up, she began vagazzling, and now the spas have taken hold of the trend.  What is Vagazzle you ask?  Apparently, it involves affixing tiny jewels to the female nether region: a Swarovski crystaled disco ball down there.

Of course, needing a guy’s verdict on this topic, we immediately turned to our male guests at the dinner party and asked their thoughts.  Bottom line, “so not necessary” said “John MOT.”  “If it’s gotten to that point, I’m interested, and no need for the bedazzler effect.”

So ladies, if you are having a bad day or you and your Honey are at odds, may I recommend a pair of Jimmy Choo’s, Manolo’s, or even a Jacque Torres Chocolate Chip Cookie?  Leave the bling for that left hand.


Afraid to Start

by GemsFromJen under JBloggers,JDate,Online Dating

Dear Gems from Jen,

How can I find the right person to date? I’ve been trying to find the right person and be happy with that person. I’m single and have not dated in a while. I am afraid to start.

Dear Afraid to Start,

You have already taken the first step in your dating journey.  Acknowledging your fear is a positive step in the right direction.  Take solace in the notion that most people are afraid to start. Dating can make us vulnerable and heighten our insecurities. However, without sounding cliché you must take the risk in order to reap the reward.
Begin with updating your JDate profile.  List your strengths. Put up some recent photos and enjoy the process of starting. Browse profiles whenever you get a chance and reach out when someone grabs your attention.  If you want to find the right person and be happy you are going to have to start at some point.  There is no time like the present.

Signed,

Gems from Jen

Tags: ,

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-03-26

by JDateAdministrator under JDate

Got Kids?

by GemsFromJen under JBloggers,Single Life

It can be such a tricky situation: dating and children.  There are so many single parents out there who want to get back into the dating arena. What happens when your child does not approve of your dating life? I have worked with many families who have faced this very dilemma. Children’s feelings are incredibly important, but the best example parents can set for their children is to live happy and fulfilled lives. If every parent who wanted to date, didn’t because of their children and fear of disapproval, they would be in actuality living lives of martyrdom.  Children who grow up with parents whose needs are met, are taught to tend to their own needs. If you are one of those parents who generally puts your own needs on the back burner, keep in mind you are potentially setting your children up for a lifetime of guilt for depriving you.  If you’re taking care of you, you will teach your children to take care of themselves when they become adults.


Assumption of the risk

by SWEETADVENTURE8 under JBloggers,Relationships

Ahh dating…like on the back of a White Sox game ticket, fans assume the inherent risk that they may just get smashed by a flying ball. As with relationships, statistics reflect most don’t work except the “one”, so when engaging, do you tread lightly or dive in, be vulnerable and accept the risk you may get smashed? One may suggest there is no other way.. knowing the upside, that initial euphoric feeling that eventually turns into a deeper steady connection that still is so great by its own simplicity.  And well, for the downside, if you have had your heart crushed (and in my opinion everyone should at least once), you know what it is like to be completely vulnerable and that is both a scary and truly amazing feeling.  To know you can actually have and own those feelings. And once you’ve been there, you recognize though it may be difficult to recover, it is truly a gift that you were ever able to “feel” those feelings in the first place.

Here’s hoping that Professor Turley’s Torts 101 class rubs off, you assume the risk and go for it!

Tags:

Baggage

by GemsFromJen under JBloggers,Relationships,Single Life

We all know the term and my guess is we all have seen profiles that advertise as baggage free or looking for someone with no baggage. What in the world does this term really mean? Are we supposed to believe that there are “baggage free” people out there? Unless you have been living under a rock, baggage is inevitable. I prefer to use the term experience. Without experience, human beings have nothing to weigh moments in life against. Do you really want to date someone who hasn’t spent time dating and learning what he/she likes or dislikes in potential significant others? Do you want to date someone who has no clue how to communicate with a romantic partner? Do you want to date someone who has to be molded in every sense of the word? Unless these are qualities you are looking for in another person, remove the word “baggage from your list of dislikes. Baggage; AKA experience, makes us who we are and helps us to not repeat our mistakes.


So it’s Mexico?

by SWEETADVENTURE8 under JBloggers,Relationships,Single Life

Recently a fun evening at Tao had my girlfriend, Leslie, and I engaging with a variety of interesting folks.  Some married men, asking of course the secrets of their success, and some single men having fun chatting us up and buying us Cosmos.  One particular person seemed perfect for Leslie.  They had the same goals, visions, likes (in what we could determine during the hour) and he made us laugh with his British accent.  One hitch – a good 70% of his time, he resides in Mexico City.  A small hiccup for Leslie… but he visits next week and I have great vibes on this.  So what if it is Mexico?  When it is right, and two people are on the same page and willing, distance is nothing if you can make the connection.

Tags: ,

Is the Drawer Half Open or Half Closed?

by GemsFromJen under JBloggers,Relationships,Single Life

A few years ago I ended a long-term relationship. One of my biggest complaints about this guy was his lack of follow-through.  He had a habit of starting something and getting very close to finishing whatever was started, but without fail, he rarely completed anything. For instance, I can recall his graduation from college: it was an exciting day, a day of accomplishment and the ultimate follow-through. We had a small party and his job search began.  However, he failed to have one class transferred from community college and never bothered to take the initiative to transfer the class.  He was able to walk in his graduation ceremony, but never received his degree. Hence, he never actually did graduate from college. All he had to do was pick up a phone and have a transcript sent from one school to another.

I remember one of my biggest complaints about this particular guy was his habit of opening a drawer and almost completely closing it.  Almost is the key word here. The drawers that he had opened were always left open. There were many times the drawer looked closed, but upon closer inspection, the drawer was ajar.   Not once can I remember a drawer being closed completely.  This got me thinking, can a drawer be a metaphor for who a person is?

My drawers in my bedroom are always closed. However, they aren’t always neat and tidy. On the outside it appears as if everything is in its place, but once the inside reveals itself, there is a chance the items inside the drawer will be in a state of disarray.  Is this who I really am? At times, absolutely! I tend to appear “put together,” but I have so much on my plate that at times I am a mess.  I’m not so sure I want this to be my metaphor for who I am.  I think one of my projects this week will be to begin to organize my drawers.


Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-03-19

by JDateAdministrator under JDate
  • NEW Success Story: Estee & Justin lived 10 minutes away from each other & didn't know it http://bit.ly/cOcgOl #
  • She should join @JDate! RT @JewishJournal Bar Refaeli urged by Jewish nationalists not to marry DiCaprio http://is.gd/aEOcP #
  • In his new JMag column, @BradBerkowitz discusses 10 dating mistakes women make – agree or disagree? http://tinyurl.com/ycqcvo9 #
  • Best of luck on your JDating journey! RT @hrnyDUH Just made a profile on 'JDate.com' fingers crossed!! ;) #
  • A coincidence, but hilarious! RT @thepumpernickel Txt from friend: Called @JDate; hold music is You Can't Hurry Love No You Just Got to Wait #
  • Great @JewishTweets post today in JMag: "Teach the Girls" for Women's History Month: http://www.jdate.com/jmag/2010/03/teach-the-girls/ #
  • It's NCAA tourney time! Wishing the best of luck to 2009 Maccabi USA Gold Medal coach Bruce Pearl and his Tennessee Volunteers. #
  • JDate will be cheering on National Jewish Sports Hall of Famer Jon Scheyer as he leads his Duke Blue Devils into the NCAA Tourney's 1st Rd. #
  • Delicious for Passover & every other day! Check out kosher for Passover recipes, courtesy of Chef Laura, on JMag: http://tinyurl.com/ya5evb3 #