Archive for June, 2010

Second Date Sweet Spots

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,Entertainment,JDate,Relationships,Single Life

Going on JDates can be fun and entertaining (or dull and torturous, but this column is dedicated to the former!), so how do you turn a JDate into something more?

After the first date, a man who is interested should call the woman within two days, if not the next day. You can even send a text later that night or the next morning saying how good of a time you had – but don’t get in the habit of texting at this stage! (My anti-texting rampage is yet to come.)

When you call after the first date, make immediate plans for a second date, preferably within the next week. You don’t want to lose momentum. You’re getting to know each other, enjoying each other’s company and building on the chemistry. If you know you have a business trip, try to squeeze another date in before you leave or make plans in advance for when you return. Whomever is out of town should try to call once or twice while away but otherwise, you shouldn’t be spending too much time on the phone at this point, just let the other person know you are definitely interested and not blowing him or her off.

When you plan the second, third and fourth dates they should continue to be casual, comfortable and full of quality-time. That means no friends, not too much alcohol and no weddings of your third-cousin-twice-removed. Get to know each other sober and alone before introducing each other to your crazy fraternity brother or even crazier Great Aunt. Daytime dates are also a good option. Go for a walk in a park with a picnic basket to eat while you watch the sunset. Go to the zoo, the fair or an amusement park, or even miniature golfing or go-cart racing. Find a fun activity that will allow your inner child to come out, where you can laugh, and engage in some physical contact that’s not overtly sexual.


Endurance

by SWEETADVENTURE8 under JDate,Online Dating,Relationships,Single Life

After 11 hours and 5 minutes, Isner’s mesmerizing Wimbledon Marathon came to a victorious end.  I cannot even imagine the pure physical exhaustion.  Often, I hear about the same emotional exhaustion from my friends as it relates to dating.  How many more 1st dates must I encounter until I find the last??  Optimistically, spreading the gospel I constantly remind all -”It only takes one” and you just never know where that encounter will take place.  I do truly believe that.  Yet, I more so believe it is a mental/emotional choice each individual makes that they are “ready” to build a relationship.  Of course, attraction needs to be present, but at times that can grow.  As can chemistry.  You may have the endurance like Isner and can juggle 11 dates a week, but when nothing is sticking perhaps the real question is to look at yourself and ask why.  Expectations of people too high?  Are you looking for something that doesn’t exist?  Are you ready?  There will always be another bus around the corner and someone better suited for you that you haven’t met yet, but really isn’t that exhausting… Wouldn’t it be more fun to develop a fun bond of familiarity. Even if  he/she doesn’t become your life partner, substance over quality seems like the real endurance test to me.


Turning Sadness into a Second Chance

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Online Dating,Relationships,Single Life

Dear Tamar,

I had a fairytale marriage — I got married the day after high school and had the absolute dream husband. Sadly, he passed away in 2006 after 23 years together.  I can’t or won’t ever forget him but I don’t think men will want to discuss him. He is obviously a part of my life that I will always cherish (an added bonus is that my 19 year old son looks exactly like him). How do I approach this delicate situation?

Dear Sadness to Second Chance,

First, I am so sorry about your loss. It sounds like you had an amazing marriage that most of us can only dream of and no one will ever fill your husband’s shoes. That said, you are right — men you date probably won’t want to talk about him, at least not right away. I think you need to be honest and mark your JDate profile as “widowed.” When asked, tell men you plan to date that you’ll be happy to share your story at a later time once things progress. Let them know that you are in a good place now and ready to date and meet someone to share the rest of your life with (or share quality time with, depending on what it is you are looking for), so that men won’t have to worry about your emotional state. Everyone out there has some sort of “baggage,” especially, and I don’t mean any offense here, the older you are.


Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-06-25

by JDateAdministrator under JDate
  • Check out Spark Networks (@JDate's parent co) on ABC Nightline on Monday! As Dating Pool Shrinks, Love Matches Grow: http://bit.ly/cCKUOV #
  • Love this from Funny People! RT @OMG_ITM "It's a JDate- a list of Jews who want 2 meet eachother…I didn't think Jews liked 2 be on lists." #
  • Everyone knows someone on @JDate! Best of luck to @DavidWinters88! RT @simonconway Very surprised how many people I know are on JDate! #
  • RT @kyleweeks Excellent @Nightline report on niche dating sites. Love the temple that covers @JDate fees for its members…very cool stuff. #
  • They were phenomenal! RT @beckalah428 check out my friends Evan & Carly on ABC Nightline! They are talkin bout how they met on @JDate #
  • Spark Networks (@JDate parent co) featured on @Nightline: As Pool Shrinks, Love Matches Grow: http://tinyurl.com/2eoa8qw #
  • We wish you the best of luck on your JDating adventures! RT @BubelehBlank http://www.thejdater.wordpress.com #dating #jews #jdate @jdate #
  • Can She Bake a Cherry Pie, Billy Boy Billy Boy? @cheflaura1 says anyone can! Get the yummy recipe on JMag: http://tinyurl.com/27uxcu3 #

Avoiding 1st Date Awkwardness

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,JDate,Relationships,Single Life

I remember when I was on JDate and meeting someone for the first time… it was so daunting! Would he look like his photos? Would we recognize each other? Would it be one of those awkward introductions where someone sticks out a hand to shake while the other goes in for a hug? I have a few solutions for these very problems!

Check out your JDate’s profile one last time before the date. Look at all the pictures offered since you never know which one he or she is actually going to look like. Then, as you’re pulling up to the restaurant, coffee shop or bar (I’ll get to that later) call your date and ask him or her to meet you outside. That way you don’t have to scan the back of people’s heads at the bar trying to figure out which is your date without looking like a deranged stalker. Once you see each other — and trust me, you will recognize each other when no one else is around! — you should both go in for a friendly hug. Afterall, you know enough about each other at this point that its more like a 2nd date, right?

Next:  Making Small Talk


Bi-Coastal or Bi-Curious….

by SWEETADVENTURE8 under Entertainment,JDate,Online Dating,Relationships

Recently, I have been bombarded by emails online.  Maybe it is the arrival of summer.  Great weather, less clothes, people are out and about and in good spirits wanting to do fun activities.  The potential suitors range in age, geography and now sexuality.

One of the emails I received from a gentleman asking me if I would ever consider “a real, long term relationship with a bi-curious guy.” For those who know me, let’s just say I can’t wait to meet my beshert.  I’m open and not judgmental as to who may be a good partner for me, and I try to not only date “my type” in this dating journey.  Yet, at the same time I’m pretty traditional, so my jaw opened and I laughed as I read the bi-curious proposal.  Is this what my dating life has come to??   I feel like the protagonist in the 2001 Indie film, Kissing Jessica Stein.  Granted this emailer was extremely handsome per his photo and a VP of a Media Corporation, but I think I’ll take a pass.

Then of course everyday there are those emails that come from San Diego and though I love California it is kind of hard to develop a relationship through email unless there is already a solid foundation.  GU “Geographically Undesireable” is a real challenge in cyberworld.   Unless it is a Bi-Cycle lover perhaps I’ll stay away from the Bi hyphenations for now.


From JDate to 1st Date

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,JDate,Relationships,Single Life

When you’re making plans to meet a JDate for a 1st date (or a 2nd or 3rd date) the venue is very important. Choose a bar inside a restaurant to meet for a drink. Then, if things are going well you can order food at the bar or get a table. Or, you can bring a bad date to an end after downing a drink and getting out of there. See, restaurants are quieter, better lit and have fewer distractions. A 1st date is not the place to be flashy or go somewhere flashy. Don’t pick a place where you’re likely to run into friends, where you took a date the night before or where you used to work. It doesn’t have to be four-star dining but it should be nice.

Don’t schedule the date directly after work, give yourself a little leeway to go home, unwind and freshen up because you don’t want to be frazzled or frizzy (or – yikes – smell stanky!). Men should dress business casual: a button-down shirt with jeans always works. Make sure you’ve gotten a haircut in the last 2 weeks.  Or, at the very least clean up the back of your neck and run the clippers over your face  for a fresh shave. Finally, brush your teeth and make sure you smell nice. Women also want to make sure they look their best: wear a dress or a fancy top, don’t wear something too tight or too trendy because you don’t want to take the attention away from YOU. Don’t wear too much make-up but please reapply loose powder and mascara. Run a brush through your hair, brush your teeth and spritz on a little perfume in a not-too-strong scent.

Next up: Avoiding 1st Date Awkwardness


Peter Pan

by SWEETADVENTURE8 under Relationships,Single Life

Recently, my girls and I have met a plethora of really really fun guys!  Guys I would choose to hang out with, dance the night away with, run through Thailand with and do fun, daring and exciting stuff with.  But to marry and raise a family with any one of these guys is another question.  It is a different set of criteria.  I guess it is the Peter Pan vibe and concerns associated with the world of Neverland.  Real world challenges, responsibilities, crises, extended commitment during the boring monotonous moments…I’m not sure how these “fun partners” would fare.  What is ironic I have found, is that it’s usually the Peter Pan types that express their desire to settle down and be in a committed relationship with family, kids and a picket fence but in actuality, I’m not sure I buy it.  I wonder if society imposes the norm of settling down on these otherwise would be lifelong bachelors.  Let me clarify, I’m not judging anyone and there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting children or marriage or being less traditional and not wanting to embrace society’s traditional norms, as long as you are fulfilled as a person.  It is sad for those Peter Pans who don’t want to grow up and prefer Neverland, but feel they must do so, to appease their family and society.


Enough About Me…

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,JDate,Online Dating,Relationships,Single Life

Dear Tamar,

Having read a number of “about me” essays on here, I noticed many are extremely short and non-specific.  Because the other pages are essentially check boxes that are answered similarly by many, I view this essay as one of the most critical ways to get to know that person. In light of this, I made my essay somewhat lengthy and fairly specific. How should I go about describing myself?  Any do’s or don’ts?

Dear Enough About Me… What Do You Think About Me?,

Great question! I agree that most people should write more about themselves because no one really looks too closely at the check boxes unless they’re looking for something specific. BUT, your About Me essay shouldn’t be too long or too specific. Remember, you want to get their attention and stand out from the crowd, but keep some information to yourself so you have some fresh material for your first dates.

Here are my tips:

1) This is not a job interview so make sure your tone is relaxed and casual, fun and flirty.
2) Sell yourself but don’t be generic. Instead of saying “I’m funny” say “I’ll have you laughing so hard you’ll  pee your pants” or “I guarantee you’ll laugh everyday.”
3) Try not to use or overuse cliches. “I like long walks on the beach” is so unoriginal!
4) Spell check and grammar check even if you have to type your essay in Word and then copy & paste it.

Most of all make sure the first few words are good ones because they’ll show up on searches. I’ve seen some profiles that turned me off just by four words even when I thought the person in the picture was attractive! Good luck!


Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-06-18

by JDateAdministrator under JDate
  • Have fun! RT @WriteWendy Putting on my party dress. JDate, here I come. Should be a hopping Friday night. Wahoo! #
  • That's great! We hope some of those emails turn into a love connection! RT @VinylTapBSR Getting lots of JDate emails. Yeah, summer! #
  • Mazel tov on ur anniversary! RT @interactiveAmy Our wedding was a blast, can't believe it was 2 yrs ago! Thx @JDate 4 helping us reconnect! #
  • Good to hear! RT @Bright_asYellow Back on the JDate train…Got the momentum back! Emailed two guys… we'll see. Feeling better today, too. #
  • NEW article from @singleedition: Is Your Personal Profile in Need of a Facelift? Find out what to do: http://tinyurl.com/2cuojja #
  • Great! You should sign up to stay connected, also @JDate Mobile is FREE! RT @zdch is viewing an Echofone mobile ad for 'JDate Mobile.' #
  • Check out @BradBerkowitz's advice article "Know When to Hold 'Em, Know When to Fold Em'" only on JMag: http://tinyurl.com/239q2fr #
  • We love hearing about @JDate success stories! RT @noahkleiman My sister and her husband met online via JDate, the jewish dating site. #