Hello! My name’s Adam, and I’m a recent college graduate. I grew up in North Carolina and went to college in Georgia. After miraculously finding a paid internship in the entertainment biz, I moved to the great city of Los Angeles to start a career and a brand new life. I’ve been out here for 8 months now, and while my job is exciting and fulfilling, I often drive home at night and feel like something is missing; an exciting and fulfilling relationship.
Going to bars in this city simply to try and pick up women usually ends with me spending too much on booze and going home alone. That’s not to say I never have a good time going out. I simply lack that extra confidence needed to approach women and strike up a conversation, even though I know that this is often all it takes. But time and time again, I find myself searching for something, anything to say to this beautiful woman as she walks past me, and thinking damn, now she’s talking to some tall guy with a nicer button-down shirt and gelled-out hair, simply because he had the confidence to say “Hey.”
This is why JDate is such a savior for guys like me. Not only do I know that most of these women have had a similar upbringing, but I actually have time to formulate my thoughts, be witty and get a general idea of what they are all about before I actually talk to them in person. There has always been a stigma about online dating, but I feel that in the past 3 years there has been a cultural revelation of sorts. A large percentage of our generation’s communication occurs online and via text message. Online dating is facing a revolution of its own, and it’s up to the users to shape its future.
I met a senior citizen on JDate 4 yrs ago — I am also a senior. We see each other 3 times a week, speak to each other a few times every day and share things with each other. He just sent me a birthday card expressing what a wonderful friend I am and how invaluable I am in his life. According to him, there is nothing in life to be valued like a friend. Every time I hear that word I cringe. Am I wrong?
Dear Friend or Foe,
Are you wrong? In a word, NO. But unfortunately it’s not so simple. Four years is a long time to be spending with someone, whether you’re in your late-30’s and your biological clock is ticking or a septuagenarian and that “other” clock is ticking — why waste precious time with someone if they don’t like you as more than a friend? Go ahead and cringe, I understand.
If the card is the only thing that concerns you, then simply mention it to him or leave it be. But if there are many more signs where that came from, than do yourself a favor and reactivate your JDate membership. Are you looking to get married again or for companionship which includes moving in together? Because after 4 years one of those options should be in progress by now. Regardless of what you want from him or what you expect from him, after 4 years you deserve an explanation.
“You’re not perfect, sport, and let me save you the suspense, she’s not either. The question is whether you’re perfect for each other.” (Robin Williams to Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting). As the quote acknowledges we all have our issues and we all have our baggage (and if you don’t I would contend you haven’t truly lived). The most important aspect of having issues/baggage I believe, is how you “deal” and how YOU allow it to affect your life. This distinction is everything.
From being EU (Emotionally Unavailable) to Mommy issues, these obstacles have the likely ability to destroy relationships. Such issues affect both genders I imagine differently, but as I date men I see it more frequently in men verses my women friends. These issues are displayed in numerous ways, but generally ends with a self sabotage-like behavior based on the belief that the latest romantic interest will never measure up to mom’s expectations. A recent date even told me he didn’t cut his hair short because he wasn’t sure his mom would like it. And yes, he was in his forties…
Like I said, we all have issues that come in a variety of baggages. But it is how you let them affect your life and how you deal, that is key. Oy Mommy.
It is like Groundhog Day…yes it is a rough life. Tennis and then the big decision of the day, beach or pool? I won’t hold you in suspense…ultimately I split my time between the two. Pure craziness, I know. Floating on a raft up to a swim up bar is hard work after all.
After a fun dinner to celebrate my friend, Lori’s birthday, we headed to the “White Party” on the beach. Always fun dancing on the beach. The sea of white was a cool vision. Fun dancing and new friends getting to know each other under the stars…we all had a great time.
There will always be critiques and areas of improvement, but overall, this was a great trip and the resort was top notch. As the adage goes, it is hard to make everyone happy all the time.
Though my goal is to meet Prince Charming and retire from JDate trips, the journey of singlehood is an absolute fun experience to bide your time with some great folks until Mr. or Mrs. Prince Charming walks into your world.
I have a serious question. I’m a massage therapist. I also work in retail. I have found that several guys just want to date me because they are hoping for a free back massage. How do I tactfully let them know I don’t give free massages? And how can I tell when a guy is just using me for a free massage or if he is interested in getting to know me the person? Should I list my retail job instead of my massage business?
Dear Career Conundrum,
Your instincts are right: posting your occupation in massage therapy is unfortunately giving off the wrong signals. You don’t need to list details regarding your occupation, simply put “retail” to cover your retail job or “small business owner” to cover your massage therapy business, or better yet, both. On the 1st date you can expand upon this as conversation flows naturally. I would even let the date know about your issues with listing “massage therapy” and gauge his response. A little eyebrow raise and cheesy response is just harmless flirting, but if he keeps pushing for a massage then you’ll have your answer and can weed out the users. Good luck!
Guys: Just a wake up call if your single and want to meet beautiful accomplished women…JDate trip should be your next vacation. I’ve spoken to soo many amazing women here, and people in general. All I’m sayin..
After hittin some, spent the day chillin on the beach with an actual cocunut as a a beverage in hand. Did I mention how amazing this resort is?
Followed by fun at the pool, a cocktail party and lobster dinner…life is tough.
Of course the crowd convened in the perpetual and always fun martini bar. Tequila shots..I’m a pro now. And then to the disco for some salsa and to burn the calories. Can’t believe how quick the days fly.
Can’t believe tomorrow is the last full day. It seems there are a couple potential romances brewing among jdaters but more importantly everyone is having a fabulous time!!
I was supposed to have a first date with a man last week. Subsequently he canceled because he had to go out of town. We rescheduled for two weeks. He calls me daily and we have wonderful conversations. We both already feel like we know each other. Is talking too much before meeting a recipe for disaster? I know he is attractive and I love talking to him. I believe he feels the same. I’m concerned that when we meet it might go too fast.
Dear Great Expectations,
I don’t recommend talking TOO much before meeting. I was disappointed WAAAAYYYY too many times because my date and I both had built up expectations of each other that neither one of us could realistically meet. No matter the chemistry on the phone, you may not have chemistry in person and it will be incredibly awkward on your date. I suggest tapering off the phone calls until you meet so that you don’t get your hopes up. You can either tell him your concern or just be “busy.” I advise one short phone call to hear the person’s voice and to make plans, which would ideally be within the week.
If everything does fall into place, it’s up to you to set the pace. If it’s true that you think you know each other better than you do, and a 1st date after many phone calls actually feels like a 3rd date , you can get caught up in the momentum. Just take a step back and, instead of taking it too far, make a date for a few days later. Good Luck!
Did I mention there is all-inclusive 24 hour room service? YUM! This resort is fabulous!
I put on a cute little bikini and cover-up and headed to breakfast. Within 20 minutes somehow I managed to have green beetle juice all over my white (now tied-died) cover-up. At least the culprit was a cutie… Was that his pick-up line?
Off to tennis, followed by lounging at the pool with continuous cocktails in hand. I recommend the banana daiquiri or kahlua colada. A visit to the relaxing open air spa, followed by a nice dinner and a JDate speed date event. Who knew this would be the hottest ticket in town. There must have been at least 150 active participants (and a waiting list to boost). JDate organizers were pros trying to keep us all under control. Of course me and my Orlando, Ohio girls managed to be a 3 on 1 team quizzing these Lucky guys!
Since it is Day 2, the ritual continues time for 2 shots of tequila. And then el discoteca.
A wonderful long day of relaxation and fun with a variety of folks. Everyone definitely seems to be having fun…
On my way to Mexico, sitting in first class (thank you FF miles) the beginning of a great long weekend no doubt…
WOW! This resort is gorgeous! A definite upgrade from the Bahamas –cheers to JDate organizers! Did I mention I have a huge jacuzzi bathtub in the middle of my room?
A lot of familiar faces and a lot of new ones too. This is going to be fun…off to the beach for now! The afternoon sped away with a frozen daiquiri in hand as I caught up with friends at the pool.
Cocktail hour/Dinner–In a chill mood and acclimating to being on “vacation” after traveling all day. But who are we kidding it is a singles trip after all and it is the first day, lots of looking and fun flirting with new friends. Not to mention my first ever shot of tequila– it is Mexico after all?
A special cheers for Mr. Rockstar, for getting Randi, Mer and I OFF, we were being bitten alive… must be our sweet blood.
A great first evening in Mexico, at a great resort with old and new friends…priceless…
See you tomorrow…