Archive for July, 2010

Flattered and Frustrated

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,JFacts,Online Dating,Relationships,Single Life

Dear Tamar,

In the past I feel like I always took JDate too seriously.  I now have a more laidback approach and find it to be a lot more fun and challenging. I have had a lot of pursuers, but I haven’t found anyone that I am interested in. When I thought I found the “man of my dreams,” he didn’t respond to any of my e-mails! He sent me a Mother’s Day eCard but hasn’t responded to my subsequent emails. On occasion he will view my profile, but no message. What’s up with that? I don’t get it! Why are they there if they show interest and don’t respond? Please explain.

Dear Flattered and Frustrated,

I remember that high you get when you check “who’s viewed me” and see the hot guy you’ve been keeping tabs on. And I remember how quickly that high dissipates when you realize all he’s done once again is view you and not contact you. And then my paid membership ran out and before I renewed I realized the constraints that a free membership places on JDaters®. It sounds like this guy could have a free membership, which means he can’t write emails or read the emails in his inbox and he can’t send instant messages although he can receive and respond to them. He can, though, send eCards, Flirts, Hot List and view you to his heart’s desire. That means if he’s interested in you, he will keep viewing your profile until you contact him in a way that he can respond to. In other words, you’re going to have to cyber stalk him until you are both signed on at the same time so you can send him an IM. And what that means is that you have to put your pride on the line one more time. If the IM doesn’t get you anywhere, then it’s time to cut your losses and move on, because he is obviously not the man you thought he was. Good luck!


Dead Fathers, Ex’s and Custard

by SWEETADVENTURE8 under Date Night,JDate,Relationships,Single Life

Aah the quintessential first date exchange of resume and family history….how scintillating… Yes, it may give you some info, but really does it??  You don’t choose the family you’re born into and the reality is sometimes siblings are polar opposites.  Not ideal, but not so uncommon.  Then the resume… I’m a trained attorney who has been on the recovery path ever since–and I applaud those who don’t stick to the golden handcuffs through societal pressure norms and take risks and make changes.  Whatever floats your boat and makes you happy when you get out of bed.

Yet, once in awhile you break the rules of what not to do on a first date and you simply connect.  There is no guarantee that will predict the success of a relationship any better than a slow burning candle courtship, but it sure is genuine when you throw caution to the wind (not to mention fun), talk about real stuff and enjoy custard.


The Children Choice

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Online Dating,Relationships,Single Life

Dear Tamar,

I met a man in February and we clicked immediately. He actively pursued me, but we were not officially exclusive, although neither of us were dating anyone else. I noticed that on his profile he stated that he wanted children (he’s 50 years old). I already have kids and don’t want any more so I told him I’m the wrong person to be with if he still wants kids. His response? He doesn’t want to give up on the chance. So I told him that if he wants to meet a woman who would bear him children that is fine, but that we can’t see each other anymore. It was a month before we saw each other again and we’re now both confused. He says he’s been dumb because he really likes me but still feels he might want kids. By the way, this man is very successful, he’s never been married and his longest relationship was a year. I think I should walk away, but I also think we have something special. He agrees, but he still might want kids! What should I do?

Dear Children Choice,

Wow, this is a toughie at first glance, but I think I can simplify it for you. You have children, you don’t want to have any more children, you need to find someone who also doesn’t want any more children. He doesn’t have children, he may want children, so he needs to find someone who may also want children. It’s actually a black and white situation. If he’s not comfortable and willing to give up on the idea of children, then you need to give up on the idea of him and move on. In his JDate profile, you admit he checked “Yes” regarding “Do You Plan On Having Children?”  so you can’t say you weren’t forewarned.  You may have chemistry and great conversation, but this is a huge life decision he needs to make on his own. You wouldn’t want to marry this man just to have him approach you in five years and tell you that he has this empty space in his heart that only a biological child can fill. Better to find out now. Also, his relationship history concerns me. I’m sure he has worked really hard to become successful, but to be 50 years old and to not have had a relationship last longer than a year is suspect. You saw the signals, I’m hanging the red flags from them and telling you what you already knew but needed to hear from someone else — forget about this guy and find someone who’s a better fit for you. Just make sure they check “No” in the children column. Good Luck!


Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-07-02

by JDateAdministrator under JDate

Making Small Talk

by Tamar Caspi under Date Night,JDate,Online Dating,Relationships,Single Life

One of the reasons I suggest meeting your JDate matches right away is because you need to maintain some semblance of normalcy when it comes to conversation. Since you’ve divulged more information than you would typically about each other in your profiles, too much emailing and phone calling will only make your actual first date feel much more serious than it actually is. Stay within the parameters of the questions asked in the JDate profile so that your first date doesn’t feel (or proceed) more like a 3rd date — since it isn’t.

Instead, ask for details about the fill-in the blank questions and multiple choice questions — Why did you choose the university and the major you did? Why did you pick the career path you did and is it what you wanted to be when you were growing up? Where did you grow up and how did you pick where to settle down? Stick to the basics and censor yourself before divulging information that is, to put it bluntly, none of your date’s business — at least not yet. On the first few dates, regale your date with the funny, positive and interesting stories about yourself and leave the deeper, sad and bewildering stories for later on in the relationship. Hopefully you will be able to charm enough with the former to leave plenty of time for the latter.


Strategerie

by SWEETADVENTURE8 under Date Night,JDate,Relationships,Single Life

I am a strategic business counsel for a corporation. Oftentimes, my days are filled with client meetings and implementing initiatives. As you can imagine, the end result doesn’t always favor our clients’ preferences.  As a result, we often have briefings and even client exit interviews, which got me thinking… what if dates had exit interviews?  I think we would be blown away if honest feedback and data were collected from our dates. I find it truly fascinating when two people view the same situation (ie date)/conversation two different ways.  It makes you wonder, were we on the same date??? So my idea: An exit interview, or better yet, a trip advisor for dating.  You may receive interesting feedback that you wouldn’t have normally considered.  Granted, sometimes a date can be great even if it lacks chemistry.   However, if there are some major gender faux pas, false steps, that your ex never had the heart to articulate, wouldn’t you want to know?  Don’t we all want to be the best singles? And isn’t dating a huge component of connecting with people and building relationships, just with some added romance?
Exit interviews, something to think about..