Archive for September, 2010

Be Upfront; Because It All Comes Out Eventually

by RollingStone9862 under Online Dating,Relationships,Single Life

Recently, I was having a very nice email conversation with a woman that I had met on JDate. We had sent emails back and forth expressing some of the things going on in our lives, some information about our jobs and interests as well as other random factoids which gave the other person a glimpse into our everyday lives and personalities. In fact, our interaction was going so well that after sending my third email I decided in the next I would ask her out on a date, assuming I got the vibe that she was still interested.

However, before I proceed with my story, I need to give a little bit of background on my third email. In the opening paragraph, in response to her telling me about a job she had just gotten working with special needs children, I commented, “One of my best friends is a teacher’s aide for special needs children at a school in the north suburbs and she loves it.” I then went on to ask some questions, including if she had anything exciting planned for the upcoming weekend.

With the sending of this email I had the utmost confidence that the conversation was going to continue, and that I hadn’t said anything controversial which might derail my chances of getting a date. Unfortunately, what I failed to consider was that I had casually brought up, without any context or previous mentioning, that one of my best friends was a woman. Therefore, when she responded to my third email with her opinion that men and women couldn’t be close friends, I was quite confused by what had prompted her to express such strong opinions on the subject.

While I understood her perspective that it is sometimes difficult for men and women to be close friends (due to a perceived, and sometimes real, underlying sexual tension between them), I felt like it was unfair for her to make that assumption with me. Furthermore, even though I did feel badly about the way she reacted, it was good that she expressed her opinion; had we started dating, this would definitely have been a point of contention later on since I have many close female friends.

In the end, my casual reference to a close female friend raised a red flag in her mind the same way that her reaction to it did for me. That’s why, ultimately, I realized that it’s better to go with the normal flow of conversation; don’t over think or script the perfect things to say to someone you are just getting to know.  I have many close female friends that I have no interest in dating, and have zero interest in dating me. This being said, however, I still think I’m better off putting the information out there, and letting the women I talk to decide for themselves. After all, everything comes out eventually.

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Personal Hygiene

by JeremySpoke under JDate,Online Dating,Relationships,Single Life

There are enough people on JDate already that can help you through this online dating experience.  But I have found that a good way to learn is through trial and error.  When it comes to dating, I have tried many things, and failed miserably. As a result, I am able to tell you what not to do, from talking online to that intimidating first encounter.  Each of my blog entries will try to focus on one thing you should try to avoid doing when talking to members of the opposite sex.  Today’s lesson is on personal hygiene.

I don’t want to sound hypocritical here because I have not always been conscious about my hygiene.  Though today my body is a beacon of unrestrained masculinity, it is also capable of emitting unconscionable odors if left unchecked.  Though my body went through the obligatory motions of puberty a long time ago, its ramifications are still felt today.

Jewish sleep away camp was, for me, an epiphany spurring proper body odor maintenance.  I had lived in Texas all my life, but had not yet lived for an extended period of time without air conditioning.  Camp, for me, was a nightmare, until we all went to a peculiar place called Wal-Mart.  It was there that I discovered one of man’s top three inventions of all time: antiperspirant/deodorant.  And as a side note, why do they make and market deodorant that is not also antiperspirant?  That seems counter-intuitive and cruel.  Who’s armpits smell but don’t sweat?  If yours do, tell me your secret!

In dating, personal hygiene is obviously important.  On a first date, no, you don’t have to go all out and wear cologne and after shave, though my dad might disagree.  Just remember the little things.  For example, if you eat a bulb of raw garlic right before a date, just stay calm and think about your situation.  Then brush your teeth for at least an hour.

83 Years Young

by Tamar Caspi under JDate,Online Dating,Relationships,Single Life

Dear Tamar,

I am a widow, 83 years old, slender, active, attractive and independent.  I am sad because I lost the love of my life and fear I will never find anyone else who is open to pursuing the art of love and living as much as I do. I am uncomfortable telling my age, except to my doctor and other confidants, because I believe there is such a stigma attached to this number.  Any advice?

Dear 83 Years Young,

I couldn’t help but laugh out loud when I read your email. My Grandmother, who is 81, tells people she is 36, not because she expects them to believe her (although she does look amazing), but because to her age is a state of mind and saying she’s 36 keeps her feeling young and healthy. At the same time though, once my Grandmother had her 80th birthday she began telling people her real age because she was proud of it and knew she looked darn good! So I see it both ways. Since you’re looking for people around your same age to spend the rest of your life with, “pursuing the art of love and living,” I don’t think JDate is the place to be lying about your age. Embrace it and you will attract men who are also active and independent. Make sure your age range preference shows what ages you’d be realistically interested in meeting and do your homework as well — use the search function to find men around your age who have similar interests. Good Luck!