The One or Done

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Dear Tamar,

So here is my issue:  I met this guy on JDate and thought he was “the one”.  I have never felt like this about anyone before in my life.  We took trips together, spent lots of time with each other’s families, all was going so well for 6 months.  Then, one day, I got a message from him and he was questioning our relationship.  We sat and talked about it and it almost felt like he just gave up.  We tried a little bit longer and then I just couldn’t take it anymore.  We broke up and still, for the last few months, have communicated and have seen each other.  I am not sure what happened.  It doesn’t seem like he wants to totally let go and it doesn’t seem like he wants to be with me anymore.  I am still very much in love with this person.  We had discussed marriage and children and had both said we saw that together.  What should I do?  Should I cut all ties or see where it goes?

Dear The One or Done,

You’re in a difficult predicament and I feel for you. If you hang in there and see where it goes then you could end up still getting your heart broken but wasting more time in the meantime. I think your best bet is to tell him you need to cut it off to see how you each feel without the other because this on-again, off-again thing isn’t healthy. I think that once he sees life without you in it, he’ll be able to make up his mind about what he wants and you will too. Of course, don’t let him know this as you don’t want him to know he has all the power in the relationship; if he’s able to pull you back in when he misses you and needs you then what’s going to motivate him to step it up or cut it off? You’re on JDate, so that’s a good thing because it helps that you’re at least trying to move on or see what else is out there. Keep on perusing your other options while letting your ex know that you’re not his doormat.