We have all arrived exceptionally early to a date at one time or another. ’At one time or another’ is a horrible phrase that makes no sense when you break it down, but that is for another time, and another more grammar-oriented blog. When I arrive early, it’s usually because I’d rather wait in the restaurant than at home because the restaurant almost always has alcohol, while your home only sometimes has alcohol, and even if it does, it’s less sad to drink at a restaurant amongst people than alone in your bathtub.
The moment arrives when your date is supposed to, well, arrive. You sit nervously looking at the time on your cell phone every 3-5 seconds. After the time that the two of you agreed upon passes, you panic because you may have gone to the wrong place. After you check your text message confirming you are at the correct Olive Garden, you hope that your date arrives soon so as to postpone your impending heart attack. After a good amount of time, it becomes obvious that your future wife is somewhat late. You secretly hope that she doesn’t ever arrive so you won’t have to endure an hour and a half of brutally awkward silences, conversations and facial expressions.
Now, your date is over twenty minutes late. It is hard to not feel like you have just been stood up. Don’t worry. This is a perfect opportunity to look at all of the features of your cell phone that you never cared about looking at before. First, check to see if it came preloaded with any games. If you become bored with your phone, the next logical thing would be for you to walk around the restaurant asking every girl if her name is whatever your date’s name is. She may have not seen you, and mistook some other guy for you. This is why it is a good idea to go to all of the couples sitting at the restaurant and explain to the male that there may have been a mistake. If that doesn’t work, at least you will have a black eye and a good story for work tomorrow.