Lying for Too Long

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Dear Tamar,

I just recently started dating, this is my first experience in life, and I’m 40 years old. Because of many reasons I didn’t feel comfortable putting my real age, so I created a┬áprofile as a 38 year old woman. And guess what? I met an amazing guy, and we’ve been together for almost 6 months; he is 54, and he is always honest about his age and everything else. He asked me several times just as part of the conversation, and I keep confirming my wrong age, because I simply cannot say the real thing. It’s funny, but I just cannot do it for such a long time. And I want to be completely honest with him… so now I don’t know what to do and how to approach this issue. How to handle this situation? I think that this will spoil our relationship.

Dear Lying for Too Long,

Yikes, it sounds like you’ve had many opportunities to tell your boyfriend the truth and I’m not sure why you didn’t come clean then. And since he keeps asking, I’m pretty sure he probably already knows. In 6 months I’m sure he’s been able to sneak a peek at your driver’s license or do the math of when you graduated high school. At 54 years old, I bet he’d be happy to hear that you’re closer to his age. Funny thing is, at his age and assuming his age range preferences, you probably would have met him anyways! Your boyfriend may be upset at first because you have, after all, ┬álied to him for six months, but I bet he’ll get over it. It is only 2 years. I think the best way to confess is to be perfectly honest. The next time the subject of age comes up, just tell him. It will be awkward at first, but if you tell him exactly what you told me — you felt you needed to lie in order to meet someone and then you met him and things just happened so fast you didn’t know how to tell him the truth. And now you want things to move on to the next level with him so you had to come clean. Add that you know it may not be easy to digest but that you hope your relationship is strong enough to survive. Again, it’s only 2 years! Hopefully he agrees with me. Good luck!