Reject with Respect

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Dear Tamar,

Hi, I was wondering if you could let me know the best way to let someone I went out on a date with know that I am not interested in seeing them again after they contact me.  I’m still fairly new on here and have been on a couple dates with guys that were nice but there was no attraction on my end.  Both guys texted or called me after our date.  So what do you think is the best and most polite way to handle this situation?  I am 26 and a lot of people I know just ignore the person they do not want to see again.  Some of my friends say that is less hurtful than telling somebody you just didn’t feel a connection or just see them as a friend.  What do you think?  Please help!  Thanks!

Dear Reject with Respect,

If you went on a JDate and liked the person but it wasn’t mutual you would appreciate being told wouldn’t you? So I agree you should show the dates you don’t like the same respect. Your friends who don’t do it are cowards, because it’s really not that difficult and karma is much worse. There are a few ways you can go about this: Phone, text, email and JDate. Rejecting on the phone is by far the hardest way. You can answer your dates calls or return theirs and simply say “thank you so much, I had a really nice time but to be honest I just didn’t feel like it was a match.” Usually the written word is easier. Text isn’t great but it will do: “Thx 4 the call. Unfortunately it’s not going 2 work out. GL.” (GL=Good Luck) As you can see it’s a bit harsh. Rather, an email via personal email or your JDate account would be better. Let your date know you had a nice time and (insert compliment here) but that you don’t think it’s a match and you hope he meets his Beshert soon. It’s in the best interest of your dating life to be as polite as possible.