What Else Can I Do?

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Dear Tamar,

I need help.
I have already added new photos, rewritten the “About Me,” the “Ideal” and “First Date” and “What I am Looking For.” I have changed the different search preferences many times and the same members are still coming up. I’ve even tried long distance but they did not work.
Here is the thing: I am allergic to cats, so I would think that a person who likes cats would not be a good match. I want children, so I would think that a person who doesn’t want kids would not be a good match. I do not drink or smoke, so I don’t think I would be a match with someone who does.
So what can I do?

Dear What Else Can I Do?

It sounds like you’re doing everything right (in theory) but you are frustrated and I wouldn’t be surprised if your frustration is coming across on dates or in your profile. Dating is a waiting game and patience is the most important skill in the field. I would have a trusted, honest friend review your profile. As you learn more about yourself and what you’re looking for you need to change your profile, it’s not something you can or should just do once.

In addition, you should be open to differences. I understand the cat allergy thing and kid thing and even the smoking thing, but would it really matter if someone liked to have a glass of wine? I always said that I would never date a smoker and then I married one. He’s quit smoking since, but I figured if that’s his only negative trait then I could learn to live with it. You’ve got to be flexible in dating, it’s not a mark of desperation but rather a show of maturity.

The best part is: You’re looking for help and you want to better your dating persona. Keep working on broadening your preferences, constantly updating your pictures and profile, and becoming more patient in the process.