by JeremySpoke under JDate

I IMed a girl a few weeks ago here on JDate. Everything seemed to be going swell. I managed to elongate the conversation to almost ten minutes. I somehow made her express internet laughter via LOL and internet listened to what she had to say. After a little longer she left, giving no reason. The next day, I emailed her apologizing for anything I could have said that might have offended her. She responded that she just didn’t think we were a good match. I took the loss in stride and chalked it up to irreconcilable¬†differences.

A few nights ago I decided to completely replace all of my profile pictures because I am in the process of losing weight and had lost over fifty pounds. The next day, I decided to contact her again to see if she would notice my weight loss. I IMed her, and she wrote back. Clearly, she did not realize that she was talking to the same person. Unlike the first conversation when I was fat(ter), she seemed completely engaged in what I had to say, and the conversation lasted over ten minutes. I felt successful at my transformation but equally concerned about the superficiality of humanity. Is it superficial to be more interested in thinner people? I guess it’s not really shallow, it’s just human nature. Still, I felt weird.

In a moment of pure inspiration, I decided to gain all of my weight back in the time span of two days. After gaining it all back, I IMed her again, and told her that I murdered the other guy. That was worth it.

*I obviously haven’t really gained any weight back nor told someone that I murdered somebody.