After going out on first day after first date with none of them leading to a second I figured it was time for me to take a step back from dating and really take a hard look at what I might have been doing to perpetuate my one-date and out streak. I like to tell people new to online dating that one of things I like most about it is that because you get to email back and forth before going out, that when you do go, it usually doesn’t feel like a first date. However, last week when I was telling this to a friend who had just recently signed up for online dating, I realized this concept might also be at the root of my first date problem.
You see what I realized is that since I am naturally a very open person; when I went out on first dates I may have been overwhelming women with how comfortable I was through the stories I would tell and general things I would divulge about myself. What I came to recognize was that the main problem with this was that I was so relaxed from all of our emailing that I felt comfortable enough to say things that normally I wouldn’t divulge so casually when I first met someone.
From there I thought it would be a good idea for me to try to put myself on the other side of the table and consider how I would feel if a woman acted similar to how I usually do on a first date. Of course once I started viewing the situation from the other perspective it didn’t take me long to realize that upon hearing all of these stories and general facts about me women were probably becoming overwhelmed since it was too much personal information too soon. From this discover I realized that even though I was very comfortable with this dynamic that I needed to more carefully consider how I was projecting myself on first dates so that I didn’t continue to scare women away.