Liar, Liar

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

Dear Tamar,

I’m 40, single, and am successful in everything but love. So I’ve been lying about my age because I feel like I’m not getting any attention due to my age. I’m only viewed by men over 50! So I say I’m 36 and have met more guys I like but then I don’t know when or how to come clean. Help!

Dear Liar,

Why start off a relationship with a lie? I know you’re only trying to widen your possibilities and I also understand how frustrating it is that men are practicing ageism online. I don’t condone lying, but if you’re intent on doing so and have already met some men you like then I suggest you ‘fess up soon.

Admit your real age as soon as you meet the guy in person. Once you and your date exchange formalities you need to stop the conversation and say “Listen, I need to tell you something now. I hated having to lie, but I fidged on my age – I’m actually 40, but I never would have met you if I hadn’t said I was 36. I hope you don’t care and still want to get to know me, but if you have a problem with it I totally understand.” I believe most men won’t have a problem with it.

That said, it also depends on the age of the men you’re aiming to date. If you’re altering your age to date guys in their early 30’s, your confession may not be so readily accepted. But if you’re lying to date another 40 year old or even a 36 year old, then there shouldn’t be a problem… and if there is, then they’re ageist and not your Beshert anyway.

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