I IMed a girl a few weeks ago here on JDate. Everything seemed to be going swell. I managed to elongate the conversation to almost ten minutes. I somehow made her express internet laughter via LOL and internet listened to what she had to say. After a little longer she left, giving no reason. The next day, I emailed her apologizing for anything I could have said that might have offended her. She responded that she just didn’t think we were a good match. I took the loss in stride and chalked it up to irreconcilable differences.
A few nights ago I decided to completely replace all of my profile pictures because I am in the process of losing weight and had lost over fifty pounds. The next day, I decided to contact her again to see if she would notice my weight loss. I IMed her, and she wrote back. Clearly, she did not realize that she was talking to the same person. Unlike the first conversation when I was fat(ter), she seemed completely engaged in what I had to say, and the conversation lasted over ten minutes. I felt successful at my transformation but equally concerned about the superficiality of humanity. Is it superficial to be more interested in thinner people? I guess it’s not really shallow, it’s just human nature. Still, I felt weird.
In a moment of pure inspiration, I decided to gain all of my weight back in the time span of two days. After gaining it all back, I IMed her again, and told her that I murdered the other guy. That was worth it.
*I obviously haven’t really gained any weight back nor told someone that I murdered somebody.
It seems that almost every time I’m IMing with a guy, it starts out nice and then the guy turns the conversation to x-rated topics. Please help, why does this always seem to happen???
Dear X-Rated IMs,
I don’t believe people will jump to X-rated conversation without some prompting. I’m not blaming this on you, but check your communication and your photos because maybe you’re sending messages that you don’t mean to. Are your photos sexy, showing a lot of skin? Is your About Me and your IMs flirtatious? Try to pull in the reigns a bit and see if that helps. And if a guy starts veering towards the inappropriate, cut him loose right away and don’t waste anymore of your time. Some guys (and girls) are just there to hook up and their X-rated come-on’s are being used to see if you’re game. Let them know that you’re not by cutting off contact.
As someone who writes profiles for other men on a frequent basis, I am often finding myself in shock at the overt sexuality that many men seem to use in their profiles.
I mean seriously, some of these profiles are just plain creepy before I get my hands on them and tweek them!
Look, women like sex. We all know that. But a women has to be COMFORTABLE with you before she wants to hear anything about sex. And if she doesn’t then she’s probably not the type of woman who you want!
Unfortunately, many profiles I read are filled with innuendos from men that hint at the fact that they are great in bed, or work well with their hands.
This will send a women running faster from your profile than you can imagine.
A hint of flirtatiousness in a profile = Good.
Overtly acting sexual and referring to sex = BAD.
If you enjoy sex and are even good at it, relax, the girl you are chasing will find out eventually if she likes you! No need to write about it in an online dating profile. This will pay off much better in the long run, I can promise that!
under Date Night
I recently noticed that my mood and attitude are directly related to the amount of digested food there is in my stomach. Therefore, the time of day makes a big impact on how friendly I am to you. Since I do not eat breakfast, you should completely avoid me from mornings until about 12:30 pm. Recently, a friend of mine whom I haven’t talked to in a while called me in the late morning. I am pretty sure that, as a result, our friendship is over. I only remember small bits of our conversation, but I do remember a lot of incoherent yelling as I tried to out-yell my stomach.
Now that I am one friend-less, I need to be extra careful about who I talk to and what time of day I do it. At around 12:30, I eat lunch, and am okay for a few hours. This is an excellent time to talk to me. I am very nervous about my new job of teacher’s assistant that starts next week. I am mostly worried about the fact that my class will consist of three to five year-olds. However, I also need to change my daily eating pattern in order to optimize my happiness. I want these kids to love me like I loved my pre-school teacher’s assistant whom I remember nothing about today.
Hunger has also affected my sporadic dating life. Of course, most dates involve food so it’s usually a moot issue. However, sometimes it’s just a movie. Since I am still on the Subway® diet, I cannot eat theater food. However, in my warped mind, I have decided that ICEEs® are okay because they are not technically food. If I am on a date while also on an empty stomach, only bad things will happen. In retrospect, I don’t think that I’ve ever been granted a second date if I was hungry on the first. I either have to be miserable and hungry or happy and single. That doesn’t make any sense.
When you go out to a JDate event or any other Jewish event you need to be made up. That means you should be freshly scrubbed and washed, hair done, shaven, clothes clean and ironed. You’d be surprised the way single people arrive to events, it’s shocking. I went to an event tonight that wasn’t solely for singles, but of course it was singles that dominated the crowd. So I was surprised to see roots that weren’t touched up, clothes that were ill-fitting, faces unpainted and so on. You are there to possibly meet someone people!!! Dress to look your best! I seriously don’t know what some people are thinking when they walk out the door. You can’t afford to put anything less than 110% into getting ready for a singles event. You don’t have the luxury of choosing and editing photos as you do on jdate.com and then corresponding via the computer or phone. No, you are live and in person, so prepare accordingly! OK, rant over.
Although us ladies are known for our gossiping ways, guys are guilty of it, too. Even so, it’s probably a good idea to keep the gossip for girls’ night out and not for your dates. Your date is not to be confused for one of your girlfriends. Not only will you bore your man to tears, but men tend to view gossip as petty, jealous and negative. These are not traits you want anybody to think of when they think of you, especially not your date. And it doesn’t matter if you’re gossiping about someone you know or about a celebrity, it’s not attractive.
The Torah says that only concern for someone’s wellbeing is an acceptable reason to gossip. Your date hearing you genuinely worry about a friend’s health or financial problems will only confirm to him how caring a person you are. Biting your (evil) tongue can go a long way. Not only will your date appreciate it, but your mindset may change and cause you to start looking at the world in a more positive light.
Nobody is perfect and nobody should expect you to be perfect. But cutting down on bad habits such as gossiping can lead you to becoming a better, more thoughtful, more appreciative and more positive person. And that’s someone that will be seen as more attractive in other’s eyes.
I have been on JDate going on about three years now and in that time I have gone on one date. My profession in the entertainment industry is not conducive to dating. I just got out of a seven month relationship with a shiksa which only made me realize how much more I want to be with a Jewish woman. I am confident, good looking and funny, plus I love to dance and cook but I’m also a bit of a tough guy as well. JDate hasn’t come through for me but I want a nice, beautiful, Jewish woman in my life.
Dear Dating in the Entertainment Industry,
It is difficult to date when you’re in the industry, I totally get that. You really have to change your mindset when you leave the office and go online because JDate is not an audition for looks only (or acting ability). You probably see beautiful women all day long and those women are for the most part not a realistic sampling of the real world. So make sure your expectations are realistic. Once you get your mindset in the right place, alter your preferences to reflect that. I’m not saying you’re the problem, but I have a feeling the line between work and play is a blur for you. You definitely seem to have the right character and personality traits, but you need to prove you have them not just say you have them, so make sure your About Me paragraph captures all that you say you are. And when you write a woman an email, IM her and go on a date with her, don’t name drop or talk the industry talk. Just be you.
In any type of situation where we meet people and have an extended interaction with them we are going to learn certain things about them we like and other things we dislike. The first few conversations, dates, etc. might go off without a hitch; however we can’t keep all of our flaws and idiosyncrasies inside forever. Eventually, if you spend enough time with someone, they are going to learn things about you that aren’t necessarily great or flattering, and of course vice versa.
When we first meet someone and get involved with them it is always easy to ignore their warts and focus solely on their positive attributes because of how good it feels when you first start dating a person you are genuinely interested in and have fun with. We’ve all fallen into this trap where we turn a blind eye to the signals that perhaps the other person has flaws we wouldn’t normally let slide or be attracted to; this one time we convince ourselves that the positives outweigh the negatives.
Unfortunately though, the longer we continue to idealize the other person and the budding relationship the more prone we are to getting hurt when they finally do something that completely turns us off. Certainly I am not advocating anyone judge another person without truly having the chance to get to know them first. What I am saying is that, in all people, and relationships, there are good and not so good things about them.When we are getting to know someone I think it’s important we let ourselves see the good along with the bad so we can determine how we feel about the complete person.
Recently I did a rather interesting experiment; the results weren’t all that surprising. We all know online dating is one of the greatest inventions to come our way, allowing us more opportunity than anyone in past generations has ever had. But we also know that for a guy, there is a ton of competition!
So I wanted to put this theory to the test. As a little experiment, a beautiful friend of mine and I created a profile for her on an online dating site and set out to see just how many messages she would receive.
Keep in mind that she is a very beautiful girl and she was placed in a bikini in the main picture.
Would you believe me if I said that she received over 100 messages in the first hour? I kid you not.
And while this is an extreme example, due to a number of components, (she is very beautiful, was wearing a bikini, women are extremely visual), the results show that beautiful women are tough to attain.
This, once again, verifies why it is oh so important to learn the art of creating the perfect profile and mastering how to write messages that are funny, interesting and unique!
You know how people say that even non-observant Jews feel an indescribable connection to Israel once the plane touches down? Well, I did not.
Immediately when my plane touched down, I felt hungry. Hungry and tired. Hungry, tired and restless. I hadn’t slept for the entire flight and all I had eaten was what United Airlines claimed to be grilled chicken. I’m knocking airline food for no reason. I’m sorry, it was actually quite good.
I went to all of the holy sites and, though nice, they invoked no sense of sentimentality from me. Many to all of the sites memorialize some moment in history when a whole lot of Jews were killed. I felt really bad that these events happened and continue to happen but I couldn’t identify with them. I do not personally feel that my life is in any way in jeopardy because I am Jewish. I do not have to really fight for anything in my life and, if I did, I would not fight strongly for a faith I do not really know that much about. Also, I am not physically strong, so even if I did fight for my beliefs, I would lose. Maybe that is the plight of the Jewish person. Whether or not we fight, we still lose. In that sense, I do identify with my faith. Whether or not we believe in the things we’re supposed to believe in, we are still part of a larger group of people who would fight for us anyway.