Dear Ben C.,
If the rumors are true and you are, in fact, back on JDate after your dismissal by Ashley on this past season’s The Bachelorette… then WELCOME BACK! We’re happy to have you here. I don’t particularly like that you said you were going “to clean up” once you got back on JDate, but it’s probably true. Besides being a handsome lawyer, you maintained your dignity on a show known for making jerks out of lesser men (see: William). That said, you’re going to have a tough time navigating the eligible women, so I’m proposing to be your Chris Harrison. We’ll create a virtual Jewish Bachelor with you as the prize. (And when JP is single again, he’s welcome to join in on the fun.) Seriously, no joke, shoot me an email and let’s make you a JDate Success Story!
I am divorced and with a child of my own that I adopted as an infant. When I meet men they always start asking so many questions about his father (they don’t know he is adopted) and about his upbringing. What is their motive? Why do they keep trying to get into my son’s life? How do I answer them and get them thinking about us and not my son.
Dear Dating Without a Baby Daddy,
Your JDate profile says that you are divorced and that you have a child, so it bears some explanation that the two are not connected. I think you should make mention that you adopted your son as a single mother in the About Me portion of your profile, but also state that you’re looking for someone who is a mate to you first and foremost. Once you meet your dates and they start asking questions, politely say that you want to get to know each other first before bringing your son into the equation. You may get a response such as “well, isn’t your son a part of you?” and that’s a good point. You can answer yes, but don’t get defensive, and then give a quick rundown as to your history and change the subject. Your son, and the decision and process of adoption, are a huge part of your life. Can a guy really get to know you without that information?
Would we still need online dating if people actually talked to each other still?
Let’s face it. These days nobody talks to each other. We are truly living in a Farenheight 451 world.
Why don’t we talk to each other? One word. Technology.
These days everyone is constantly connected, hooked up, and wired in. In fact, the other day a friend of mine, who teaches, took his class on a school trip. He said it was the first time he ever heard his class silent. This is because they were allowed to bring phones and whatnot in that day, so everyone was locked in on the bus ride.
This makes me kind of sad. Technology is great, but sometimes we are just too connected. Where there is progress, there is always a price.
With the invention of planes the birds lose their wonder. With the invention of online dating, we no longer have to talk to people in real life anymore..
Well, maybe that is a good thing, I take it all back!
under Date Night
After going out on first day after first date with none of them leading to a second I figured it was time for me to take a step back from dating and really take a hard look at what I might have been doing to perpetuate my one-date and out streak. I like to tell people new to online dating that one of things I like most about it is that because you get to email back and forth before going out, that when you do go, it usually doesn’t feel like a first date. However, last week when I was telling this to a friend who had just recently signed up for online dating, I realized this concept might also be at the root of my first date problem.
You see what I realized is that since I am naturally a very open person; when I went out on first dates I may have been overwhelming women with how comfortable I was through the stories I would tell and general things I would divulge about myself. What I came to recognize was that the main problem with this was that I was so relaxed from all of our emailing that I felt comfortable enough to say things that normally I wouldn’t divulge so casually when I first met someone.
From there I thought it would be a good idea for me to try to put myself on the other side of the table and consider how I would feel if a woman acted similar to how I usually do on a first date. Of course once I started viewing the situation from the other perspective it didn’t take me long to realize that upon hearing all of these stories and general facts about me women were probably becoming overwhelmed since it was too much personal information too soon. From this discover I realized that even though I was very comfortable with this dynamic that I needed to more carefully consider how I was projecting myself on first dates so that I didn’t continue to scare women away.
under Date Night
I assume that some people, like myself, are almost constantly on a budget. If you are not a mogul of some sort, it is still possible to conduct a pleasant evening with somebody prettier than yourself.
Of course, there are the clichéd options like watching a movie at home or going to a park. However, movies are not good places to talk and parks are too hot. There are countless other ways to enjoy a day or evening with a man or woman for very cheap. Recently, I somehow found myself at a museum with a girl. Though it was not a date, I realized that it would make a good one. We actually went to two museums. The first one, an art exhibit, was practically empty. However, while inside the exhibit, I heard the definite sounds of two people having sex with each other. If I were on a date, it would have started feeling very uncomfortable right about then. When we went upstairs, there was a small television with two people having sex on it. There were mothers and children in the exhibit, and it was all very uncomfortable. As the mothers awkwardly left with their children, we stayed to look at the art pieces until we could not take it anymore.
Next, we went to the science museum. By pretending to be my mom and step-dad, we got in for free, though the IMAX still cost money. Though many of the exhibits in the museum haven’t changed since 1983, it was just barely fun enough to not cost any money. At the very least, it had air conditioning, which is probably why the homeless people were there. Looking around, almost everyone there was a couple. This did make me feel a bit inadequate.
In general, though, it is a good idea to spend at least some money on a date. Nothing good is free.
The NEW and IMPROVED JDate Profile is Beta Than Ever!
After perusing the latest tools on JDate I feel like the programmers read my mind. I remember wishing for things like this back when I was JDating®. Check it out, because now you can:
You can make notes (Y=Yes, N=No, M=Maybe) to help you keep track of who you’re interested in so you don’t have to get distracted by the Matches that don’t interest you. That too short or too old or too weird person won’t get in the way anymore! That girl who is cyberstalking you? Check N and you can more easily ignore her! That guy who has preyed on your girlfriends and has a reputation for being a player? You don’t have to pay attention to him anymore!
My favorite new addition is the history. When you check someone out you’ll be able to see what interactions you’ve already had with each other. I vividly recall not remembering if I had already exchanged emails with someone or not and then having to scramble to click on my emails, flirts, etc to see if I had. Now you’ll know right away. So that guy who cuts and pastes his emails and then forgot he wrote you and then sent you the same email again 4 months later? You’ll know it right away… and better yet, he won’t send the 2nd email because he’ll know he already spammed you! (Imagine my shock when my girlfriend showed up with the perpetrator at a party! I didn’t have the heart to tell her about his JDate shenanigans. Luckily they stopped dating a few months later.)
Finally, photos are larger — and therefore more clear — than ever. This means you need to add new, higher resolution photos since they’re being broadcast twice the size they are now. That photo that you grabbed off of your friend’s Facebook account and then cut yourself out of? It isn’t going to work as well anymore. Ask your friend to email you the original or take some new ones. Make sure you take a look back at your profile to make double check how your photos are appearing to the world. If they are too grainy or that pimple is suddenly visible, delete and find a new one.
under Single Life
Life is boring. Single life is no different.
The fact that I have eaten nothing but Subway sandwiches for the past thirty days doesn’t help the monotony. Yes, I do interchange meats weekly in order to make sure I don’t jump off of a building. There is nothing like the taste of chicken after having eaten nothing but turkey. Actually, there are a lot of things like that. In fact, almost any activity on earth is more exciting than that. You know how you feel cold when getting out of the shower? That is more suicide-preventative than changing meats on a sandwich. As a child, my brother was convinced that, in order to get rid of that cold feeling after a shower or bath, you should take a cold shower. It turns out that is not true at all, but provided me with miserable showers for almost an entire year.
The changing of my meats is probably the most exciting part of my day. Usually, if I have a date later that night, it usually turns out pretty dull. However, all day before the date I am uncomfortably nervous. This nervous energy is always more exciting than the date itself. I wonder if it’s possible to get anxious for an imaginary date. That would be just the thing formy obsessive-compulsively-crippled personality. There has to be some way to organize a date and then guarantee that it won’t happen. I will have to employ all of my childhood and early adulthood women-repelling skills. It all starts with weekly showers and a strong refusal to shave.
Often times when people learn that I blog for an online dating website they think this means I would be a good person to get dating advice from. While I can completely understand what the perceived implications of my being a so-called “dating blogger” suggest I am always quick to point out that I am far from a dating expert.
During the past year that I have been a blogger for JDate I have always viewed my writing as a way to express my feelings about dating, tell dating stories and bring up dating related topics that I think are relevant. Furthermore, JDate has experts that write weekly blogs which give people information on how they might become better daters, answer reader’s questions and debunk popular online dating myths; therefore I have never seen my blog as the appropriate place to dole out advice.
Sure I have written many blogs where I have used a personal experience as a way to help guide people away from making similar mistakes; however I wouldn’t view these anecdotes as forums for giving advice. When I think a situation for advice giving I picture a person with a specific problem who is asking someone (a dating expert) for the best way to handle or approach it. In this scenario consideration isn’t necessarily given to whether the person you are asking for help has ever been in that situation themselves, or knows very much about the personality or past dating history of the person asking.
When I write a blog about a personal experience I often times, at the end, leave the reader with what I learned from an experience, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they will have a similar outcome or should handle things the way I have retrospectively realized I should have. In the end everyone is unique, and so are their dating experiences, and as much as I wish I could help my friends or anyone else with their specific dating problems I am perfectly resolved leaving that up to the real experts and trying to help in my own way by simply writing about my experiences and hoping that at least one person can get something from reading them.
I am a doctor and I met another doctor on JDate. She gave me her contact information but her email bounced back and so I texted and teased her about it. She apologized for the typo and gave me the correction. Still, should I be concerned??
Dear Prescription for Love,
Give the gal another chance, it could have been an honest mistake. You know how you doctors are with your totally illegible handwriting! I can’t tell you how many times I type my own name wrong when I’m texting on my phone. There are plenty of valid excuses that are acceptable. Now, if her phone number was wrong, that would be another issue, but you texted her and she answered so it sounds like her typo and apology was legit. Ask her out and have fun, don’t harp on the mistake or you might ruin something really great!