Do the Valentine’s Panic

by JeremySpoke under Single Life

The night before this year’s Valentine’s Day is turning out to be exactly like the ones ten to fifteen years ago. I spent the night scrambling to drugstores looking for cheap candy that I can give out to people so that they will like me. Though last decade, they were aimed at girls in my classes, and this year, they are aimed at making my five-year-old students like me, the thought is the same. I can be a horrible person all the time, but somehow if I give people a tiny amount of chocolate one time a year, they will just like me so much.

I actually ended up at the exact same Walgreens I spent Valentine’s Eve, 2002. Though this time I also had to buy anti-anxiety prescription drugs, everything else was the same: deodorant, orange juice, and a shitload of chocolate. I think that I need to reevaluate my life every ten years, return to the same Walgreens, and buy Valentine chocolates for a brand new demographic of people. Maybe on Valentine’s Eve, 2022, I will re-return to Walgreens to buy Valentine candies for all of the people who live under the freeway with me. I will find love somewhere!


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