Dressing the Salad

by JeremySpoke under Date Night,Single Life

How important is it to look nice on a date? Obviously, you don’t want to wear a tuxedo when going out for drinks, or really ever. Of course, you also don’t want to wear a white T-shirt and running shorts, either. If you combine the two, it’s even worse, and doesn’t make for a funny scenario in blog-form. You want to look nice without looking too nice, because extremes are not good. Girls aren’t looking for extremes. They’re looking for somebody who can straddle the two without actually committing to anything. If you look too nice, you’re a douchebag. If you look too sloppy, you’re a loser.

This is why I have exactly one set of clothes that I wear out to every social situation. It is perfectly conceived, and there is no reason to change it. Starting at the bottom of my attire, my shoes are basically Asics® knockoffs. While topsiders are too nice and stupid looking, and Chuck Taylors® are too cheap-looking, this is a nice balance between the two. Under my shoes are long gray socks. White socks stand out too much and no socks look stupid and are uncomfortable and unhygienic. Further up my beautiful body lie khaki pants. They’re slim-cut to show that I care about my body, yet not too skinny to show that that’s not all I care about. Above the pants is my shirt, over a plain white undershirt. It is a Medium-sized yellow and brown striped Polo®. It’s a Polo, so it’s nice, yet it’s yellow and brown, so it’s not really that pleasant looking. I got this down. Above my shirt is my face. It’s shaved, but shaved yesterday. There’s a little shadow on it because, hey, I’m not some douche that shaves before important events.

So far, the odds have not yet been in my favor. However, the clothes are currently in the washing machine, so there’s no going back.

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