Can You Adjust To Change?

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

How do you know when you’ve found The One? So often we get caught up in the hot and heavy of a new relationship – everything is hearts and flowers, you can’t keep your hands off of each other, you both want 3 kids and a dog – and we forget to have the serious nitty-gritty conversations. Often, you’ve never gotten close enough to marriage to even know what one of those conversations looks and sounds like and are then blind-sided when you are faced with one of life’s challenges. Sex and chemistry can only take you so far. At a certain point you will need to talk about what kind of income you want to live on and what happens if that income decreases when, for instance, you have kids and one of you wants to stay home, or, another good example, you decide to pursue your dream and suddenly your income plummets? How will your mate react to you changing your mind about what you want to do with your life? These are what married couples (with and without kids) deal with. This is not a conversation to be had on a first date. This is the talk you have when you feel close to getting engaged. You need to know how your partner adjusts to change. Will he or she hold over your head what you said five years earlier (ie. “I don’t want to be a stay at home mom” when you realize you do once the kid comes or “I like practicing law because I get paid big bucks to argue” when you decide to go back to school for your MBA to become an entrepreneur) or will they support you and encourage you to do what makes you happy even if it means a short-term dent in the wallet? Food for thought…


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