Dating After a Death

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

A friend lost his fiancee tragically and suddenly when she was killed in a car accident. Another friend’s fiance was diagnosed with cancer and she sat by his side until he died. Other friends and relatives have lost their spouses after 25+ years of marriage. All of them have grieved and continue to grieve and will never stop grieving. They are also ready to date. So how do they begin?

JDate is a great place to ease back in to the dating world. You can start out slow, see who’s out there and take your time revealing personal information. Selecting your status as “widow” may be a slight deterrent for some people, but it’s also a good way to weed out those who aren’t strong enough to deal with your story. You can always select “single” and then inform your prospect on the first date that you lost your partner/spouse.

As with a divorce, you should not discuss your whole story on the 1st date or even the first few dates. Your date wants to get to know you, not your sob story. But it is a fact that you are a widow so do not lie about that. Keep the first few dates positive and wait until it’s turned into something serious before opening up completely. Otherwise you’ll be telling your very personal story to tons of first dates which may never turn into anything more and really it’s none of their business until they mean something to you.

When we lose someone, we tend to put them on a pedestal and forget all of their negatives, thus making it impossible¬† for anyone to live up to their blessed memory. Remember that your loved ones also had their faults and they were not perfect. You’re going to automatically compare everyone to your dearly departed in your head, try not to do it aloud as well.

It takes a lot of courage to get back out there after losing someone you love. Take your time.

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One Response to “Dating After a Death”

  1. Brian Kurlan Says:

    Lovely article. It definitely takes time to really be ready to date and tell your story. You just hope for the best and time eventually helps heal and deal with the past.

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