under Date Night
I have bad road rage. I mean that in the most literal way possible. That is, I have road rage. When driving, especially by myself, I get mad at only the road. I don’t get angry with other drivers. I don’t care that they don’t use turn signals, cut me off, don’t let me into their lane, flip me off, or honk at me just because I’m text messaging while driving seventy miles-per-hour from the passenger’s seat on the shoulder of the freeway.
No, I get mad at intangible, ridiculous things that should in no way incite anger for any reason. If, for example, I’m stuck in rush hour traffic, I start to get angry that the freeway doesn’t have a secret invisible lane that escalates towards the sky and takes only me directly to my house. I start to get mad that the city planners didn’t design a freeway that had just one extra lane for traffic. If there was merely one more lane, then traffic would flow smoothly all of the time. I punch off my radio and slam my steering wheel because of all of the trash and debris on the road that may be damaging my wheels. This is really messed up, and I am completely aware.
I now need somebody in my life for yet another reason. When somebody else is with me in the car, my anger is decreased significantly. All of my energy is refocused on not making the other person hate me. I’m really good at making people not think I have rage issues while driving. Most of the time, the other person in my car doesn’t even see me as a homicidal, reactionary maniac ready to explode at inanimate objects like freeways and imaginary sky lanes. But really, this is about how much more comfortable I feel in a confined space with a pretty person sitting next to me. I think a good date would be just a three-hour drive somewhere in the evening. Cars are the perfect place for introspective conversation not marred by superficialities because if you look at the other person for too long, you will crash and die.
Women say they’re looking for a nice guy. But is nice too boring? Do nice guys finish first in the dating world? Or do they need to toss a little danger into the mix? You’ve heard of the expression, smart women/foolish choices. Is that because, a la Groucho and Woody, these ladies are less interested in being a member of a club (nice guy) that would have them as a member?
Over the long haul of a relationship, “nice” rules. But to get women interested enough to commit to that relationship in the beginning, I will now periodically be dangerous.
Should we watch a video back at my place, I won’t stop nuking the popcorn until I hear the very last pop.
It’s a start.
under Online Dating
Do you live for today or do you plan for tomorrow? Do you live your life with a sense of urgency? Are you working on your best self in order to meet your Beshert now or do you put off losing weight, signing up for JDate, going to a Jewish event, and so on for another day because you just can’t deal with it right now? And then do you complain how hard the dating world is and how you can’t meet anyone? Get busy and do it now! Stop kvetching about being single while you’re sitting home on a Saturday night! If you don’t put yourself out there — or at least work towards bettering yourself to put your best self out there in the very near future — then YOU WILL NOT MEET ANYONE. Get off your tuchus and get going!
1. Romance? Not A Chance!
Brett Ratner is denying any romance rumors suggesting he and Sandra Bullock are hooking up. When a tabloid reported that the Jewish director and Academy Award®-winner were allegedly canoodling after the Oscars® last month, the two released a joint statement to deny the report.
“We think that it’s incredibly sad that in these times, this magazine would resort to complete fabrication, solely for financial gain,” the duo said in a joint statement obtained by Us Weekly. “There is not a shred of accuracy in their story. We have not seen nor spoken to each for over a decade. We both had a great time after the Oscars, just not with each other.”
2. Woody Allen Plays A Pimp… In A Hasidic Hood!
Woody Allen rarely stars in a movie that he’s not directing, yet he’s taking on a new role as a pimp in a film that will be directed by John Turturro. Allen, a Jewish director, writer and actor, will star alongside Turturro himself and Sofia Vergara in Fading Gigolo.
In the film, Turturro and Allen play two broke best friends who decide to turn to a gigolo business to make money. Not only that, but they’re running the business out of their Hasidic Jewish neighborhood. Meshugenah? Perhaps, but we’re still planning to see it!
3. Scent Of A Singer
Adam Levine is in a world-famous band, has won Grammys® and dates a Victoria’s Secret model. What else does the Jewish singer and host of The Voice need? Apparently his own fragrance!
According to the New York Daily News, Levine is partnering with ID PERFUMES to create a line called, 222 by Adam Levine. The line is supposed to premiere in May of 2013 and is said to have different varieties that will be available for both men and women. Smells like a hit to us!
Athletes, musicians, actors, journalists, emcees, deejays, chefs, CEOs, dancers, comedians… you get the drift… people in the spotlight. It’s not just the 1,000 watt light bulb making them hot (as in sweaty) but often people in the spotlight appear hot (as in attractive) because, well, they’re in the spotlight!
People with immense talent, people with fame, people who garner respect, all of them often get attention when that may be the only thing they have to offer. A relationship needs more than skills with the ball or a great voice, you need substance. So don’t get too taken by the talent. Make sure you look deeper. Or at least take it for what it is and don’t try to make it something it’s not and just have fun!
under Single Life
So, most of the time, in most developing to developed countries, adults work outside of the realm of toddlers peeing on them. I’m not saying that this is true everywhere. There are certainly some places where all professionals must have at least one child urinate on them before lunch. I know that sometimes, I just am not myself until some kid pees all over me. Some people swear by coffee. For me, it’s some good ammonia in my lap.
Okay, I got peed on during one day out of over a hundred days while working in an elementary school. It wasn’t really that bad because it was close to the end of the day, and once the day is over, no matter what has happened, I always smell like a mixture of sweat, blood, milk, and urine. So this day wasn’t any different.
However, today was the first day of orientation at my new job. I quickly noticed children not constantly spitting in my face and telling me that they hate me. Almost nobody told me that my parents hated me because I looked stupid. Did the children have some sort of sensory device that could detect subtleties about myself that adults simply don’t have? What is this civility? I’ve never seen a place like this before. Please, woman sitting in the front of the office answering a telephone, tell me of this quiet place I’ve suddenly walked into and what you’ve done with all of the children.
So, I have a calmer job. And it pays a little more so I can maybe one day move into my own place. First, though, I need a reason to have my own place. Get in line, ladies.
under Online Dating
A recent Newsweek® article cites a Cornell University and University of Wisconsin study that people who lie less on their dating profiles tend to more often refer to themselves as “I”. The relatively honest cyber daters also used more direct adjectives like “exciting,” versus “not boring.”
Their most frequent fib? Weight. Women shed an average of 8.5 bogus pounds. Men, an average of 1.5.
So as a forthright JDater®, let me assure the women out there that I am not only not boring, but I am also not overweight. Wait, “not boring” and “not overweight” are indirect adjectives. I am scintillating. I am lean and mean. Not mean, as in ornery, mind you. Wait, I forgot the “I” there. I am not mean, as in ornery! Unless you like them ornery.
If I can’t pander to you during a political year, when can I pander to you?
Are you intimidated by a successful man?
Would you let a man’s success make you feel like you’re not good enough for him?
I know a man who has conquered the businessworld and is well known not only in our community but nearly everywhere he goes. Women have always adored him as he is handsome and charming in addition to powerful, but women were also so completely intimidated by him that they didn’t even approach him. Finally, a woman with some cojones took her time getting to know him as a friend while still keeping enough about herself private that he was intrigued. At 41 years old, he is finally engaged.
I know a man who makes millions and he lets everyone know it. And no woman will ever measure up but it’s not because he thinks he’s too good but because he’s too afraid she is with him for his money. The problem with that is he makes her feel that way too. He will have to trust someone, someday or be alone forever. Chances are he is not going to meet a woman with as much money as he but that doesn’t mean a woman is inferior or a golddigger for that matter.
Men: you’ve got the success, the money, the looks, but you’re single. You almost have everything – almost – but you’re the one keeping yourself from more. You will figure out if a woman is with you for your fame and fortune really quickly, just trust your instincts, but if you have to give them a chance first! Stop acting arrogant, or like you’re better than thou, just chill and be humble. Humble is hot.
under Single Life
I was not stood up for my senior prom. I strongly believe that this was achieved by my implementation of my super-intricate monitoring system. I did not let my date out of my peripheral sight for the three weeks leading up to the dance. I basically constantly stared at her. The hardest parts of this were watching her sleep and trusting that when she was in the bathroom she wouldn’t escape through the window. She never did. That girl was a keeper.
Despite a flawed life, I had yet to be stood up coming into last weekend. By this point in my life, I pretty much automatically assume that girls do not want a second date with me, and any communication at all after we separate after the first date is a complete win. This is why the events last weekend did not at all affect me. After our first date a few weeks ago, she had expressed interest in seeing me again. I remember thinking, “Okay Jeremy. She talked to you after the date. You’ve already won. Anything that happens after this is a bonus. Now go to bed. Wait! Brush your teeth first, dammit.”
So we had agreed to meet at a specified restaurant at a specified time. I suppose I wasn’t really stood up. After I suggested the place, she never responded with a text or a call. So it’s not like I went to the restaurant and she just never showed. If that had happened, I would have simply eaten alone, enjoying only myself and the friendly banter with the waitstaff. That actually sounds better than what actually happened, which was just me lying in bed all evening, enjoying friendly banter with my television.
under Online Dating
We all make instant judgments about people in the real world, or what passes itself off as “real.” Whether those first impressions prove to be accurate is a whole other issue. We also make instant judgments in the cyber world, when it comes to assessing a person’s profile. Where do your eyes initially take you when you scan a potential JDate? Aside from their pictures. I take in the economy of words.
If they sound down to earth – if they ’re looking for the basic stuff, a connection, and imply the rest will take care of itself, I stay put. If they’re ordering up a smorgasbord of must haves, I think “high maintenance.” If that person also happens to be divorced, I wonder, “did she leave the last guy because he didn’t deliver on this list? And/or did he leave her because she was too demanding?”
Simplistic generalizations that may not be accurate, maybe. But when it comes to wish lists, at least till we meet, I’m thinking less is more. Back to their pictures. If there are other people in them not gazing at handheld devices, you might ask her to post some from this century.